Montecristo Captain Quixote

montecristo

The World Line of the Horizon Star

Some would say I was a lost man in a lost world


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Montecristo Captain Quixote
montecristo

I'll take "Irony, Tragedy, and Frustration" for 200, Alex

I'm distracted, worried, frustrated, and annoyed...and it's irritatingly impacting my ability to concentrate on work today. I hate it when that happens. A friend has gotten her life into an appalling state of disarray and is headed for no good end and I have not the wisdom (and perhaps not the sensitivity) to get her to consider her situation in a more rational light. I need to just accept that there isn't anything I can say or do, she is not going to listen, at all, and it isn't even any of my damned business anyway. I shouldn't take it so damned personally. It's ridiculous. Hell, maybe I'm even wrong in my assessment of the situation, but I sincerely doubt that. I do know that I need to focus on stuff over which I have some control and actual responsibility...and I can't seem to do that right now...which means I've got another one hundred twenty minutes to sit here and be utterly useless.

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Just focus on the irrational, self-destructive behavior of the people who run and populate this country instead, and how, like a curator flushing the Crown Jewels down the toilet for no reason, they're flippantly and irrevocably throwing away the exceedingly rare and precious rights and limits that have made us a uniquely free and prosperous civilization in all the thousands of years of human history and pre-history, the likes of which will probably never to be seen again for the duration of the human race, and how they've closed their eyes and ears to reason and made themselves absolutely, maddeningly, rock-headedly immune to any and all frantic attempts to talk them away from the edge.

That'll get your mind off it :-)

Ugh. I'm sorry to hear that. :( I have a friend in much the same position and it's exasperatingly frustrating. I wish I had some advice for you other than just be there when and if she needs you. That's really the best you can do.

The answer is: The Daily Double!

Unfortunately, Shelley, she is trapped in a Game, and I am not strong enough, wise enough, or even sensitive enough, to pull her out without getting drawn into the game too, and I will not do that. The only way to win at those games is to never play them. I've seen too many of them played and I will not be a party that. It is sad, but if there is one thing that life has taught me it is that nothing will stand between a fool and his doom, and trying to do so will only get you run over.

Edited at 2010-04-01 01:49 am (UTC)

Re: The answer is: The Daily Double!

I've learned the same thing. Typically, when people are engaged in abject, self-evident folly, they have willingly switched off their reasoning faculties in order to suspend their disbelief in whatever too-good-to-be-true fantasy it is they're pursuing.

It's not that they've made a logical error in their reasoning, or that they lack crucial information, but that they're refusing to engage in reason altogether, so attempting to reason with them using logic or additional information is hopeless, and will only make you miserable as you wrestle with futility. The only way they can learn is to get burned by their folly, and have their illusions evaporate before their eyes, at which point they *might* be willing to listen (for a little while, anyhow).

It's like a boulder rolling downhill. There's no stopping it until reaches the bottom and/or smashes into a tree, and you don't want to be that tree. After giving the warnings that friends are due, it's best to put a little distance between yourself and them until it reaches the conclusion.

Re: The answer is: The Daily Double!

Oh yeah. You're right. I've done what I could and the only thing left to do is pull back and see what happens. Anything else would just be making things worse, for her or me or both of us. It's her life and choices. This kind of crap just isn't any fun to watch either, though.

Re: The answer is: The Daily Double!

The one other thing that helped me deal with these situations better was coming to the realization that people engaged in them are not victims, even though they almost always try to portray it that way. The problem is one of will, not lack of intellect, after all.

Re: The answer is: The Daily Double!

The larger issue is wisdom. Will is but one aspect of wisdom, and wisdom is different than intelligence.

Re: The answer is: The Daily Double!

I wish more people were as pragmatic as you. I have far too much experience with people who have some sort of Messiah complex, trying to save someone even when their efforts are futile. While that is noble, it sure does hurt the people in their lives who will actually flourish under the attention.

Maybe you are shifting your own concerns about Jackie over to your friend's situation? It's easier to focus and worry about something removed than to address what is happening in the closer.

Nah. Jackie's doing beautifully. That situation was a surprise, but Crystal and I can handle it. I do wish I could dismiss this other issue so easily. I'm not shifting, at least not in the way that you suggest. I've been a bit entangled in this mess and I shouldn't have let myself get so personally invested in the first place. There are things about it that strike too close to some of my own personal experiences and I am letting that influence me.

Hm. Still, I suspect some unconscious anxiety about Jackie. I'm sure it is not the path you would have hoped for her, as it is an extremely difficult one. We always want to see our children have smooth transitions with ideal and supportive partners when it comes to forming the next generation. I was saddened to read your post (on a personal level) and speculate on what this means for her and the child.


You're right again; it isn't the path for which we'd hoped, obviously. It isn't the one we would have chosen. It wasn't even Jackie's idea. It's just life, being surprising, among other things. It was accidental. The only thing certain is abstinence and everyone knows how popular that is, these days. Risk is inherent in nearly everything. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little anxious about the future — it's a lot of adjustment — but we've got Jackie's back on this and we'll make it work. Unexpected does not mean unwelcome. The child has family.

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