I used to like to address my ex as "Wife" when we were married. My reasoning was that anybody who addressed her could address her by her name and call her Crystal but only one human being on earth could address her as wife and that was me. Every once in awhile I used to like to call her by her middle name as well, for the same reason, not everybody knew it. To me it was like a True Name by which only I could conjure her. Jackie's nineteenth birthday was the eighteenth, last Friday. Last Thursday was the sixth anniversary of the day Crystal left. I don't know, maybe that explains the dream the other day. Nah, nah, hey, hey, kiss her goodbye. My subconscious has its secrets that even I don't fathom.
I'm a creature of habit. It is hard for me to make change in my life. I haven't written the lady on OkStupid again yet. I'm pretty sure that I want to but I am not certain what to say. There is a part of my brain that keeps bugging me about what it is to which meeting new people could lead. Change. Change can be good. I resist it anyway. Change can bring loss. There is a part of me that enjoys this Spartan existence. I don't like losing things. You cannot lose what you don't have. It's a silly philosophy, I know. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Stagnation is merely death warmed over. I can tell myself that all day long. It's just so easy to sup with the devil I know.
I got a message in the OkStupid mailbox today. Speak of the devil... It wasn't from anyone, just a notification from the system. Some lovely twenty-two year old Russian girl with beautiful dark eyes who looks great in a bikini added me to her favorites list. Right. She's three years older than my daughter. She's got to be kidding. There's a scam afoot, she's going to pitch something, or else someone is fishing for a green card and a sugar daddy or something. She's not contacted me, which is just as well because I am not contacting her. Sheesh. Hugh Hefner I am not.
Nah, I'm going to write to...she has a very intractable handle; I wish I had a name for her...again soon, probably tomorrow when I've had time to do a little more pondering on what I want to say. I'm certainly going to request a first name. It couldn't hurt and I have a fiercely itchy curiosity and a mountain of tenacity to match my inertia.