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Montecristo Captain Quixote

montecristo

The World Line of the Horizon Star

Some would say I was a lost man in a lost world


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King of Cups Captain Querent
montecristo

I married a housewife.

I was reading a web site just awhile ago called MidlifeBachelor.com. It's one of those serendipitously tripped-over web sites that one encounters, usually while searching or browsing on a related topic, that just sort of sucks one into it, like informational quicksand. The guy who does at least some of the writing there is funny and not without a certain amount of wisdom, which is what makes the site interesting to me, that and its topic concerns a subject near and dear to my own circumstance — male, middle-aged, and single. What's even better, he's talking about dating but not writing from the perspective of the so-called pick-up artist — a particularly vapid and somewhat vaguely unsavory philosophy which seems popular among single men lately. Encounters with writings in this latter vein tend to abrade my sensibilities.

Anyway, there is an article or essay on the site called Some Fundamental Truths About Women and Midlife Dating Today, which I am finding amusing and thought-provoking by turns. As I said, the guy is funny and not without a certain wisdom, or at least it seems so to me. I'm about halfway through the essay and about halfway through a subsection of the essay entitled Fundamental Truth #7: Types of Women.

I tend to be careful about "typing" people. I try to take systems which attempt to classify people with a grain of salt, like blog memes, until and unless they start to offer me some actual verifiable utility in understanding elements of the human psyche. Myers-Briggs Personality Type is one such system which has a certain amount of utility, I have found, in my personal experience. At any rate, as an individualist, I tend to be wary of lumping people into collectives, especially where people are not free to do their own self-identification and associating. Nobody is a perfect stereotype. Everyone is unique. To judge people strictly according to ones perception of how well they fit into a neat little pigeonhole of presumptions about their personality blinds one to the individual's true uniqueness. Nevertheless, the more I read and think about this guy's personal taxonomy for women the more I begin to suspect that he makes a certain amount of sense. I recognize a few signs and characteristics of some women I have known in the types about which he is writing.

So, I'm about halfway through this section of the essay wherein the author is expounding upon his observation that there are basically fourteen types of women, when I start reading about type number six, The Housewife, and it immediately hits me, right there in the first paragraph, that I am reading about my dear ex-wife. Crystal does seem to fit the type that the author defines as "The Housewife." Now this is not necessarily such a bad thing. In fact, the author himself expresses the opinion that he is quite fond of the type and that this type of woman certainly has many qualities which his target demographic would find attractive and suitable and I am inclined to agree with him. Hell, for all I know, I could end up with someone else who fit this category eventually. Who knows? Certainly, there are worse types mentioned in the essay, some of which for whom I have absolutely no patience at all.
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I think maybe that I'm part "Housecat" but none of the other stuff is me

There's always something new to learn about somebody.

Really? That's interesting. I'm always reading about you being so out-in-the-world and being involved with and organizing things like conventions... I recall you writing about being something of a spiritual advisor to people at one time. It is surprising to hear you say that you also have a streak of homebody in you as well.

It just goes to show you for what categories are good: they can be useful in illuminating and understanding people but they make dubious predictors. People are always full of surprises.

I'm still of mixed minds about the guy's taxonomy. It's interesting, but there is part of me that says it may say more about how men perceive women than how women actually are. To the author's credit, he is one of the few people offering advice who do not claim to have women "all figured out."

Hm, if I weren't married it would almost describe me. Almost. The kids, the minivan and the overweightness. The giving it up easily, not so much.

Bit of a housecat too though, I'd love to sleep until noon. But with the kids and the home job I can't.

And I like being home.

I don't think I'm a soccer mom. I'm still a liberal, not a republican. And my kids are in scouts, not sports.

Hmm.

Desperate Housewives? Is "desperation" really the right word?

You're married. That implies at least a certain amount of satisfaction with your relationship and your husband. I think that at least part of the author's perceptions of "housewives" being "easy" is that when people are married but the relationship is failing to provide the things they need and desire it tends to make them "hungry" for things they're missing. Sex tends to take a beating in such "starved" relationships so I could see how some people in a poorly functioning relationships would start to miss it quite accutely and to seek it out if they find themselves single, or otherwise possessed of the opportunity to get their physical/emotional needs met.

never let a woman be your boss … as it is pathetic and demeaning and counter-cultural

I laughed so hard at that. As if counter-cultural is automatically a bad thing! LOL

I think I'm a mix of several of those types, including party girl, sometimes high maintenance (though I've never *expected* a guy to pay for those luxuries for me), and possibly a little bit of housecat or housewife or something.

I'm totally a housecat. But I already knew that. So do you.

And I like it!

*Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*

"like information quicksand"

fantastic description of the internet and hyperlinks!

Im a girl, and i just read this entire essay hahaha! my grandpa walked in on me reading this and officially thinks I'm making some extreme life decisions dealing with my sexuality haha. good essay though.

Don't mind your grandfather jumping to conclusions

Older folks need to get their exercise somehow!

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