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Montecristo Captain Quixote


The World Line of the Horizon Star

Some would say I was a lost man in a lost world

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Montecristo Captain Quixote

Now the time has come there are things to realize

I met someone on OKStupid and I went on a date. Her name is Michele, and she dropped me a line on the fourth and we exchanged a few messages and a phone call and set up a time to meet. Our date ran from seven to eight at Starbucks here in town. We had a nice conversation.

I'm frankly not sure what I think about her, or dating in general, for that matter. She's not really a high match percentage, but she seems pretty nice. One thing I'm not really all that enthusiastic about is that her divorce mess is still finalizing, with respect to some of the property settlements, and it is apparently not without friction, although the separation is done and her other half has already remarried. Apparently, he cheated on her and she threw him out and now he's hitched to the mistress. She got a late start on kids. She's two years older than me and still has a teenager at home.

As dates go, that one was rather anticlimactic. I fear that I am damning it with faint praise in my own mind. I guess my heart isn't in it, or maybe Michele just doesn't inspire me, not that this would be her fault. Chemistry is what it is. It's either there or it isn't. For some reason, I haven't been all that eager to go back to OKStupid. Mr. Libido and Mr. Heart are each apparently out of the office and on vacation. I'd be disturbed by the ambivalence if it were not so familiar.

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Do you really want to date or are you doing it because you think you should?

Should I stay or should I go now?

"Should" is not the issue. It's more a matter of inertia. For whatever else it might be, my solitude is often comfortable and always familiar. Sometimes though, I get to missing the companionship and intimacy of having a partner, not to mention a bedmate. Sometimes, I even miss my Dear Ex. It's like some kind of internal pull. I suppose the word "yearning" fits, although in the times when I'm not experiencing that pull I shy away from words like that one because such a word implies an emotion to which action "should" be taken in response. If I felt that yearning all the time, I would date more often and more enthusiastically. When it's there, it's an itch I want to scratch. The thing is, I don't feel it all the time. K.D. Lang's "Constant Craving" is what I do not have. As I said, perhaps it's just chemistry, or rather, lack thereof. When I get interested in someone, it's generally pretty compelling.

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