— Ayn Rand
Crystal wasn't right for me. She had her faults. I can in no way hide or run away from the undeniable facts that tell me that she is a very damaged person, but she was not worthless. She was not evil. I cannot accept that and I believe I know better. She tried; she was not a cynic or a user. Nevertheless, what did my love/attraction for her say about me? I cannot evade that question either, and sometimes considering that question hurts really bad, and it scares me. I don't know how to face it and I can't, won't let myself run away from it, and so I'm stuck, and while stuck is somewhat "safe" that is sometimes no picnic, either.
I like houses, not apartments. A house is private. If the neighbors hear, through a thin wall, a man laughing and crying at the same time they're inclined to call the people from the funny farm on him.