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Montecristo Captain Quixote


The World Line of the Horizon Star

Some would say I was a lost man in a lost world

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Montecristo Captain Quixote

Guess I've been feeling this coming...damn

"Tell me what a man finds sexually attractive and I will tell you his entire philosophy of life. Show me the woman he sleeps with and I will tell you his valuation of himself."
— Ayn Rand

Crystal wasn't right for me. She had her faults. I can in no way hide or run away from the undeniable facts that tell me that she is a very damaged person, but she was not worthless. She was not evil. I cannot accept that and I believe I know better. She tried; she was not a cynic or a user. Nevertheless, what did my love/attraction for her say about me? I cannot evade that question either, and sometimes considering that question hurts really bad, and it scares me. I don't know how to face it and I can't, won't let myself run away from it, and so I'm stuck, and while stuck is somewhat "safe" that is sometimes no picnic, either.

I like houses, not apartments. A house is private. If the neighbors hear, through a thin wall, a man laughing and crying at the same time they're inclined to call the people from the funny farm on him.