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Montecristo Captain Quixote


The World Line of the Horizon Star

Some would say I was a lost man in a lost world

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The Hanged Man Captain Caesura

Another change in the momentum of resolution...

I need to clean up my act. I have become slothful and indolent. My weight is up, my health has probably taken a hit, and the house is suffering neglect. To top things off, I'm pretty much drifting along in life. I'm not exactly "unhappy," but I am far from what anyone could call "fulfilled." I think I have a very tall list to contemplate. I'm not even sure where to start it. The trick will be in not talking myself out of doing anything and just falling back into some complacency.

This afternoon, I took a seven minute walk around the parking lot of the commercial park here. My legs got a bit "prickly." Yes, I am out of shape. I'll have to work my way back up to something reasonably healthy. I should probably be getting to work earlier, which of course, means getting to bed earlier.

So many things are rattling around in my brain. I have insecurities. I have questions whose answers seem to elude me. I still wonder what, exactly happened in my marriage. I wonder if my ex-wife loved me. I think I am on solid ground to state that at some points in our relationship she certainly did, but if she didn't, then what was I thinking? Was I deluding myself? If she did, then what happened? Why would she have cheated as she did throughout our time together? Was it just her or was it me or was it just wrong chemistry? If it was me, do I have any business trying to get into a new relationship? It I do have something to offer, and I am capable of receiving, and what exactly am I brining to the table?