Robert (Bro. Pepper-spray of Reasoned Discussion) (montecristo) wrote,
Robert (Bro. Pepper-spray of Reasoned Discussion)

The importance of containers...and the absence of same

I've got to figure this thing out. It's driving me baty. I keep coming up with little pieces of things, insights, patterns. This morning in the shower I tried to find a sense of loss or grief that she wrote me and told me not to contact her AT ALL [her emphasis]. I couldn't feel it. Was there an anesthetist guardian sub-persona that was preventing me from accessing my feelings on this? It would be par for the course. Should I expect it to hit me suddenly, some time in the near future when I am not expecting it? Should I go looking to see where the grief is?

On the other hand, is it possible that I have come to think of our relationship as one that was not really workable? Were Laurel and I really good for one another, as a romantic couple? I do know that there were things wrong. Some of these things were certainly my own doing. Were there things she should not have done or should have done differently?

Laurel always was speaking about "containers" and how important they are. From what I understand so far, a "container" in the context of human interaction, is a set of rules or protocol for communication. I asked her about this concept before, and the discussion never really gets beyond a discussion of what they are. She talks about establishing them with all sorts of other people, most notably, with men with whom she went to therapy. Why did the two of us never establish anything like that? Does this seeming omission mean anything?
Tags: interpersonal, introspection, relationship

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