If our models of human sexual response have no component for intimacy or salience, how do we talk about sex having “meaning” without it sounding like conservative proselytizing or religious moralizing? If we can’t show our kids the dynamics of sexual desire or eroticism , how do we explain the sexual advantages of age and maturity?
Schnarch, David (2011-10-01). Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships (p. 78). Midpoint Trade Books. Kindle Edition.
And Laurel has intimated that my view of sex sounds "puritanical." HA! Schnarch makes a good point here! It's not about puritanism. Hell, Rand wasn't a puritan. The point is though, sex is "sacred." Hell, it is who we are right down to the very root. Laurel and I have some disagreements in this area, concerning the nature of sex, and either I have scared her off when broaching the topic (Really? The Fearless One?) or else she just doesn't want to consider what I may bring to the philosophical table in this department. I suppose in either case, it amounts to the same thing.
Schnarch is making a lot of sense in this chapter, but he's preaching to the choir in it. He says:
Our problem is that we have mindlessly embraced what I call the “piece of meat” model of sex. We idolize “tight buns” and flawless skin as the height of sexual attraction, worshiping youth as the essence of eroticism .
Schnarch, David (2011-10-01). Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships (pp. 78-79). Midpoint Trade Books. Kindle Edition.
Hey, Dude, speak for yourself. I am not one who goes around lamenting that my sexual peak is past. I've never believed in "peaking" at all, and have always looked at it as a silly concept.
Here's something interesting:
Men who struggle with rapid ejaculation throughout their youth often enjoy “lasting longer.” But men who spend years delaying their ejaculation by thinking of something else (reducing their total stimulation) get good at it—unfortunately, so good that the level of total stimulation they usually experience cannot reach the increased stimulation they need as they age (higher response thresholds). The result is self-induced erectile dysfunction, and it’s a lot more common than most men— including urologists— seem to understand.
Schnarch, David (2011-10-01). Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships (p. 89). Midpoint Trade Books. Kindle Edition.
Ruh-roh, that second part sounds like me! I've always been able to delay things pretty easily. Hmm. Schnarch seems to think that's going to cause me problems when I'm seventy or something... Huh.
Something else I've noticed: Schnarch is such a salesman. He has peppered his book with coy hints and foreshadowings: "Wait until we get to chapter six, where I'll talk about..." Heh!
Oh Great Hod, coming to the end of chapter 3 means he's really pulling out the stops. Schnarch the Shrink is getting downright mystical, proselytizing walk-on-water "wall-socket sex." Jeeze. Heh. Well I can't say I'm not intrigued — Third Eyes opening, telepathy, cosmic consciousness...Jeeze, this guy's really selling it. I'm tempted to quote his gushings on wall-socket sex, but I will stick with one bullet point phenomenon with which i am actually familiar:
You watch your partner undergo age changes. You know exactly what he or she looked like in childhood, or will look like when older. You see the child and parent in your partner.
Schnarch, David (2011-10-01). Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships (p. 97). Midpoint Trade Books. Kindle Edition.
OK, this one doesn't seem so extraordinary to me. It's just not difficult to do this, at least not for me. The other stuff sounds pretty extraordinary. I'm going to have to see where he goes with this.