David Schnarch says that there is a pull between self-dissolution and self-trancendence. He explains this in a paradigm he calls his "four points of balance" model. I think his terms are off. I think he would be better spoken to say that there is self-dissolution and self-construction and both of these are self-transcendence. This guy is making so much sense to me.
I spoke to Emily on the phone last night for several hours. She and I experienced some awkwardness between us and we hadn't spoken in about two years. A few days ago, we reconnected on Facebook. We were speaking of what has been going on in our lives since we last spoke. Heh, I sold her on Schnarch's book and she's giving it a read, or else considering it. It felt really good to discuss some of these ideas with someone again.
Shockingly enough, talking to her made some of the clarity I've been getting out of this self-confrontation process crystalize in a way that is very hard to explain. It's something I feel. Emily said it was clarity, when we were exchanging text messages this afternoon. I explained to her that I had been getting clarity for the past six weeks. This "crystalization" feels more like conviction or self-confidence in the growing realizations and clarity. It feels...strange...but wonderful. I'm pretty sure I have some answers now.