Turn it up loud, Captain!
Isn't it odd that when you have time to write it means that life is really not happening to you in any intensity? Life is happening to me, with furious intensity. I have about a billion things I want to put in here, and hardly any time at all to collect my thoughts. This week is so stressful. It's like all of the stress from the past year has been but a foretaste of what December was going to bring. Some of this is good -- so good as to be almost unbelievable, and some of it is pretty rotten and/or tedious. I am flying on the stress of change. It's ten until midnight here, and I have to get up at 4:00 AM again this morning, but I am not sleepy and I need to make a start at getting this down.
For starters, I managed to finish the first version of the software revisions for a series of capacitor bank controllers. There was an annoying bug in the code which had been driving me bonkers and I finally got it cleaned up. Whew! I've been working like a dog on it. The damned thing has missed two deadlines because we are continually bending over backwards to make last-minute changes that will accommodate our customers, and to be honest, our software process maturity is sadly lacking. Strangely enough, management has started to listen to me on our lack of process maturity. Shocking. After six years of telling me they have everything under control, to be soliciting the opinions of myself and the other software developers is a surprising turn from them. Will wonders never cease? At any rate, it feels good to be able to start putting this problem to bed! Yak! The EPL language, which was developed in house, is a very poor excuse for a software development language. Working with it is like trying to hold erudite conversation in a language which is 85% obscenities.
It's a rainy night here in Livermore. I just got back from Robert's house at around 11:15 PM. I've practically moved in there, as often as I have gone to dinner there in the past couple of weeks. Robert's wife, Susan, is a very gracious lady to have such a freeloader come in and scarf up everything so often. She's also very personable and soft-spoken. Their daughter Moriah, who is five, is also quite a peach. She's a sharp little tack, and she reminds me of my two girls, as they were not so long ago, by my counting. I got an interesting treat for tonight's visit. Hanukkah started this evening at sunset. Robert's family lit two of the candles on the Menorah and Robert despite being an atheist, recited what sounds like a prayer in Hebrew, I believe. He translated when he had finished. It was interesting. It's a very different kind of tongue than English, although I would be hard pressed from what little I know of it, to say exactly how. Moriah opened some presents which she had received from various relatives.
I can sell the beat -- I'm askin' for the cheque.
Robert and I have been trying to get our ducks in line with regard to the company we are desperately trying to put together and get funded. Tomorrow, stress number two for this week comes to a head, which is the reason I have been eating so many home-cooked meals at his house, for which I am eternally grateful, by the way. Robert's family have some unusual dishes, but they're very tasty! Anyway, Robert, Tom, Don, and I are getting close to cutting a deal with a large patent law firm in San Francisco to help us patent McGuffin. Robert and I have been struggling to put something that looks like a real company together, but neither of us is really good at starting a business, so we are learning by hard knocks. If we can get the law firm to prosecute our patent on contingency, we might be able to get some funding to set up a lab and make this thing really fly and be more than just a theory and a few good experiments. Robert and I have been scrambling around to put a project description and progress report together on the McGuffin project. It's got to look organized, polished and professional or nobody in their right mind is going to put any money behind it. We still have work to do on the damned document, as it is not quite "there" yet but it's hard being descriptive and comprehensive while not giving away secrets not yet under patent protection. Gah! Let none of us say anything stupid tomorrow. This guy represents one of the largest patent law firms in the country and we are damned lucky to have his valuable time and interest. Things could move big time tomorrow. I am very nervous about this meeting. I fear that Tom has jumped the gun a bit when he made the appointment. He didn't even consult with me on my schedule before making it. I worry that we are not ready yet to do this. This was not a good week to do this, Tom. Augghhh! Ah, anyway, damn the torpedoes. Full speed ahead.
All of this can be yours...just give me what I want, and no one gets hurt.
Of course, as unbelievable as it would seem, this is but half of the mess that is coming down this month. The day after tomorrow, I have to meet with my lawyer to go wrangle my check back from the ferocious grip of my dear ex, who has become quite attached to having it, despite the fact that she has effectively two
families now. I got my lawyer to file some sort of "motion to show cause" to stop this foolish payola, since the ex is as good as married to someone else now. Yes, it certainly must be nice having the resources of two families. I would settle for merely for having one. Forget the wherewithal, just the companionship would be a nice change of pace. Some day. Not yet. All things in their proper time. Ah well, I'm used to being a loner, of a sort. Singledom is not going to kill me.
I'm feeling so much stronger than I thought.
Patience is my middle name. Good things come to those who wait. I'm surviving. Even better than that, I am living
. It is good to have purpose and be accomplishing things -- possibly fantastic things. The future is looking like it's going to open up and change for me in ways I cannot begin to imagine, if things work out as planned. Anticipation, excitement, and sheer terror are in a three-way no-holds-barred match in my guts and head right now. I just hope I can finally put this Crystal issue behind me now -- chapter read and lesson learned. This is ridiculous. It is long past time to move on, and I will be able to do that a lot better with the money I'm currently throwing at her in "spousal support." Sheesh. I'm just so tired of this. With any luck stuff is about to break loose. I'm pushing it for all I'm worth. I suspect that the ride is about to get pretty wild. If McGuffin flies, it certainly will.