December 16th, 2004

Montecristo Captain Quixote

(no subject)

It's late, and I am just getting settled in again. I had some more last-minute stuff to do tonight. I've still got to buy more postage stamps. I've still got to write all of these cards to people. I stopped at the mall again tonight to pick up a couple more things. I think there were more people there this time. How busy can I get? My project at work is still lagging. We keep finding little bugs that need correcting, and now someone has found a bug in the shared communications library which is probably going to require a re-compile and more testing. What a mess. Fortunately, the meeting with the patent attourney is out of the way for a couple of weeks. That went better than expected. I am freaking out on how well that went. When this thing takes off, life itself as I know it will turn upside down. These are the quiet times. I should enjoy them while they're here, because after McGuffin, it's all going to change. Sometimes that's too scary to contemplate.

I've still got to settle these unresolved issues with the ex-wife. I can't believe she really thinks she's entitled to spousal support. It's mind blowing. She's married to that guy in all but name. She comes over here to this page and reads what I've written (not that I mind, per se) and writes on my page, which is slightly more irritating when she's talking trash at me, but still that's really not of any consequence. I just can't believe she can't let me go. That is what is mind-boggling. I can't believe she would waste her time, reading what I have to say. Hell, if she was that interested, why did she bother to leave in the first place? The way I had her figured, I thought she would be eighty-seven kinds of absolute gone, once she left, and she isn't. It's like she can't stand the idea of getting her hooks out of me. I'm long past the point of needing to detatch and move on. I really don't care anymore. I wish her the best for her life, but I don't really see the need to associate with her anymore. It's almost like there's more at issue here than money to her. That's just too weird. Good gravy, she's carrying that other guy's kid now. She has no more business in my life what so ever. Hell, this mess was her idea. Why doesn't she just go live the life she claims she wanted, and let me go? Divorce is crazy. I would advise anyone who's never tried it to avoid it by almost any means possible.

On top of this, I am trying to get ready for a trip. At the end of November my grandmother was in the hospital for kidney infection and possible pneumonia. In the course of discovering that my grandmother did not have pneumonia, they discovered a golf ball-sized tumor on her lung. It looks pretty bad. The doctors wanted to do a bronchoscopy and get a piece of it and analyze the tumor to find out what it was doing, but my grandmother wasn't up for anyone ramming a tube up her nose and down into her lung. I guess they've told her that it's almost certainly terminal. She's eighty seven and too frail to get chemo. She's had two strokes within the last decade and she's not able to walk really well and she's getting really skinny. She's decided that all her blood pressure and other meds are upsetting her stomach so she's called a moratorium on taking those too. If she wasn't terminal enough, well then I guess she's getting there now. So I'm going back to Ohio to visit her, because it's probably the last I'm going to see of her.

The last time I was back there was for my grandfather's funeral in July of 1999. He told me goodbye when I moved to California in 1996, because I think he knew that he wouldn't be seeing me again, and he was right, unfortunately. I suppose this trip means that I get to avoid that with respect to my grandmother. To be sure, as bad as it makes me feel to say it, I'm not sure which is worse. I'm lying though. It's better to go back and see her. No matter how you slice it, death is something inevitable, still. In all of the time humans have been walking the earth, not one of us, in all our billions, has escaped it. Barring a fantastic breakthrough in medical science in the next few decades, it is something I will not escape, either. It is sometimes a grim thing to contemplate.