Robert (Bro. Pepper-spray of Reasoned Discussion) (montecristo) wrote,
Robert (Bro. Pepper-spray of Reasoned Discussion)

Fingertips have memories, I can't forget the curves of your body...

I have decided that I really realy miss sex. You know, it's been so damned long, it is shocking to think that after a year, thereabouts, I have gotten used to celibacy! ACK! This morning is certainly different though. It has to be this fantastic California spring weather and all of the trees and flowers blooming. The air is probably also full of the hormones of randy furry forest, farm, and house pet animals. Yeah, it's Nature. Of course, it's more than just horniness; it's that echoing emptiness that nothing seems to quite fill up. It is that need that is more than just emotional or physical alone, but that is a combination of the two that answers a need that goes right to the core of one's humanity. There's nothing like waking up at your leisure on a weekend morning, and feeling very happy to be alive and a bit frisky and realizing that it would be a great time for sex, except that, there's nobody in bed with you! Ack! What a letdown for an otherwise perfect morning.

I have to say that I like messing around before sex. Yeah, there's that "foreplay" word that guys are supposed to think is foreign or something. Yes, and anyone reading that has already jumped to the conclusion that I am lying in a perverse attempt to impress women, or it really is a woman doing the typing. Bah! Okay, I'm a typical guy too, I get into a state where I gotta have it yesterday, and that's nice and all, but I really like getting the idea of having sex, and then experimenting with my partner trying to see if we can get on the same wavelength at the same time and turn each other on. That's fun! It's kind of like a challenge. It makes sex into an activity in which actual people participate, instead of being like some contrivance for which you flip on the switch and go.

The soon-to-be-ex was not like this at all. You know, it's funny, but one small reason to wish that the paperwork would hurry up and go through is so that I can quit typing "soon-to-be-ex," as in any day now, (please!) in front of the "ex". Nevertheless, sex was one of those areas where we are completely different. You see, I like messing around with my partner before getting all sweaty, if we even get to that point. Wooling around on someone feels really good, in and of itself, even if you don't have the time or inclination for anything else. The STBX was not like that. In this respect, she was like the stereotypical guy. She had an amazingly fast sexual response for a woman and pretty much looked at foreplay as a waste of time which only got her too revved up and too frustrated and impatient for "the main event" to begin. Heh heh, one of the things that made tying the woman up such a joy was that I got to set whatever pace I felt like and she had to suffer in excruciating horrible horny impatience. Put your eyebrows back down; it was consensual! Besides, it's not like it happened every day or something...I'm kinky often, but not an obsessed fetishist...much.

No, the STBX hated any kind of ambiguity, indecision or plan-less-ness, even where sex was involved. She wanted to know when she was going to get it, long before hand, or at least an hour's warning. The thing was, she liked to go off in her head by herself and tease herself with the idea, and get revved, and then come to bed later wanting it yesterday. Now okay, I can see the fun in tantalizing yourself with the idea that you're going to get sex soon, and anticipating it, and thinking about it, but if your partner is already in the vicinity, what's wrong with making that into a game for two? Furthermore, she was into the idea of scheduling it. Okay, to me that sounds as if it could be somewhat kinky -- occasionally. There is a certain novelty in anticipating a set time and date when you know you're going to get laid. Heck, if it was regular, I think I can even get into the challenge of making it new and different each time so that it wouldn't get old or stale. Nevertheless, the challenge doesn't always pay. What if you don't feel like it right then? Scheduling sex has all of the spontaneity of an appointment to get your car's brake-work done. Ah well, perhaps Perceivers and Judgers should just acknowledge the fact that being in a relationship together is going to be somewhat problematical.

No, there's no doubt in my mind that I miss the companionship that comes from having someone special share your life and home, but this morning, I miss the tangible physical values that having a lover brings. I miss being able to wake up and hear a woman's breathing as she sleeps next to me, of being able to see sunlight stream through a gap in the curtains and play across her face, and being able to watch her eyes dart around under the lids as she dreams. I miss being able to roll over and wrap an arm around my partner. I love doing that. Crystal was always so self-conscious about her body, but I loved every inch of it. Everyone is unique and has a unique shape and form. It was pure pleasure to run my hand and arm over her belly and breasts, over her hips and down her thigh and relish knowing her by touch, with my hands. I love stroking a woman and feeling the way the different fabrics she wore to bed ride over the surface of her flesh. I like burying my face in a woman's hair or the back of her neck and inhaling the sweet, musky, warm scent unique to each person. I have heard it said that the human nose, unlike the canine nose, is too insensitive to distinguish between two otherwise clean people by smell. I think the person making that comment is barking mad. I have always been able to distinguish among people by smell, if I know them well enough. I could certainly identify the woman I was sleeping with from a roomful of other women even if I all I had to go on was scent.

I love being able to pull a woman to me and feel her breathing and heartbeat and warmth against my bare chest. I miss the feel of a woman's hair as it slides over my skin and between my fingers. Hell I even miss that trick the STBX had of burying her cold toes (from running around barefoot constantly) under my legs as we lay in bed.

Gah! I've got to quit. This gets me nowhere. I have to get some work done today. Perhaps I should have some tea to start the day:

What Kind of Tea Am I

you are chamomile are very calm, and
you like to be warm, relaxed, and cozy. You
tend to have a calming effect on people, and
your friends often come to you with problems.

(with pics) what tea are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Oh great, chamomile, I'll put you to sleep. My daughter Jackie already says that I have a soothing and relaxing voice. Help! I'm boring! Auggghhh! I've been out-ted by a quizzie!

Tags: introspection, love, sex, who i am

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