Robert (Bro. Pepper-spray of Reasoned Discussion) (montecristo) wrote,
Robert (Bro. Pepper-spray of Reasoned Discussion)

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Ten-card Monte

After a good brood Friday, over the recent finalization of my divorce, I got a comment from bridgetester to the effect that she had done a web Tarot reading for me. What a nifty surprise. I'm surprised that one of my mopey broodings would move, prompt, or otherwise inspire someone to do such a thing for me. I am touched, really. Thank you, bridgetester!

Now I must say that I don't hold any mystical or supernatural beliefs regarding Tarot cards, even though I do find them fascinating. The way I look at them, they are sort of an auto-Rorschach test and the cards fall randomly. They don't really have any power to predict or explain anything, in and of themselves. What we make of the random card pattern can reveal mental processes going on in the subconscious or can clarify things like a flash of insight or inspiration, where you're working through a problem but haven't connected enough of the dots to arrive at a conclusion.

Surprisingly enough, bridgetester's reading really produced an interesting pattern! Uncanny. I am intrigued by what came out. She used "The Hagall" spread, with which I am unfamiliar, but it looks interesting. Actually, I'm not really familiar with this web site either, so my benefactress has actually done me a double service. Here's how it fell out and my take on things:

  1. The card in the center of the circle represents the core or central issue of the situation. Seven of Staves (Valor), when reversed: Embarrassment. Missed opportunities. Hesitation resulting in predicament.

    As a core issue, yeah, this one fits. When Crystal left, I didn't even tell people about it. Embarrassment much? Oh yeah. I've seen a couple of missed opportunities too, and I worry about missing more. Interesting.

  2. The card at the bottom of the circle represents something you did to bring the situation about. King of Cups: A dignified and accomplished person, compassionate and intuitively accurate. A successful professional, humanitarian and idealistic. One who appreciates the Dionysian side of the arts and the wild, mysterious aspect of nature.

    From some of the things I have read on Tarot cards, you're supposed to pick a court card that represents yourself when doing the most common spread The Celtic Cross. This choice seems to be mostly on physical characteristics, and life circumstances. The King of Cups matches me -- an adult male with brown hair and hazel eyes and that's the one that I've used for myself whenever I've played with the deck I have. The surprising thing from the web page was seeing that the meaning given to the card pretty much matches my personality too. Yup. That guy is certainly me all right, and to hear my ex talk, it was pretty much what I am that brought about the collapse of things -- an irony, considering that that was also supposedly her reason for marrying me in the first place. At any rate, to see that particular card there is kind of uncanny.

  3. The card at the bottom left of the circle represents your beliefs, impressions, or expectations. Five of Coins (Worry): Impoverishment and barrenness. Yearning for one absent.

    Yearning for one absent. Oh yeah. Sometimes I do. Been there, done that, doing that, the t-shirt doesn't look good on me. Yearning hasn't just been for the ex either, although it certainly was, in the beginning. Since I've been alone, I miss the companionship of a relationship in general, and have tripped over someone who embodied so many of the qualities described by my love-map that she woke up a really virulent crush I thought I was too old to catch. Hello? It's been years since I've felt so foolishly impelled by the heart. Why does crap have to be so damned complicated? Naturally, the divorce and the move and the "settlement" have not gone completely without hitches, either, so I'd say that this one pretty much sums up things. Of course then there's that "impoverishment and barrenness" angle as well. That has been worrying me. Sounds like that kind of worrying could have been lifted right out of that post on Friday. Do I really expect poverty and barrenness? In all honesty, perhaps I give them too much credence in my thinking. Things are certainly not great right now, but I do plan for them to be better, soon. The problem with too much worry is that it tends to become self-fulfilling. Hmmm.

  4. The card at the bottom right of the circle represents the most likely outcome of the situation given present circumstances. The Hermit, when reversed: Barrenness. Loneliness. Cynicism.

    Ouch! That's a whammy! That doesn't look like a very good outcome at all. It's all the things I despise, like cynicism, and dread, like barrenness (and not having an intact family of which to be a part after working so hard to build), and dislike, like loneliness. Self-fulfilling prophecy? It would suggest that my course of action in dealing with things is likely to produce outcomes which I do not want. I have wondered about my course, that is true. I have my nose buried in this project on which I am working and I am still trying to organize this house into which I have just moved. Heh heh. It is a good thing I am not superstitious though, or I'd be depressed and pessimistic, seeing that, either that or tempted to drop everything and run out for foolish diversions and "going out"... Heh! I'm not even sure I remember how to do that! Heh heh.

  5. The card at the upper left of the circle represents the spiritual history of the situation the things you've learned. Six of Swords (Science), when reversed: A bluff. Deceptive show of force. A desperate attempt to impress.

    Yeah, I've been here as well -- a desperate attempt to impress. Everyone acts the fool at times. We can only hope that when we do, it is for a good cause and not out of insecurity. Often that is a fine line to walk. I've fallen over it a couple of times since the ex left. It is a blow to the self-esteem to go through a divorce, no matter how "friendly" and in agreement both parties may be. I know that for awhile, I was eager to prove that I could be a good friend, that I could be someone in whom someone else found some value. I believe in carrying my own weight and being someone with something to contribute. A break-up is kind of a slap in the face to that desire. It's a stinging rejection.

  6. The card at the top of the circle represents the spiritual tasks and challenges of the present situation. Three of Swords (Sorrow): Conflict of two mighty forces for the possession or mastery of something or someone. A dangerous triangle.

    Okay, you might say that this is where it all started. The ex left me for someone else. I certainly didn't want her to leave. After twelve years, I started to regard her as mine and not without justification, I might add. I see nothing wrong with that, provided one understands the concept of belonging to someone correctly. Certainly, it is a mutual thing. I did not find it stifling to think of myself as being her her husband. Quite the contrary. I don't think the ex was ever really comfortable with that kind of deep commitment. I don't think she understood it. I think it was a hang-up from losing her mother when she was two, and living in somewhat "difficult" relationship with her step-mother and half-sister. Damaged families produce such perverse effects in their members. It makes me glad my parents stayed together, even though they had the kind of problematical relationship that would have sent "modern" couples straight to court years ago to end the marriage. Feh! Divorce is too easy for people today.

  7. The card at the upper right of the circle represents the metamorphosis of the spiritual situation, and how your knowledge will evolve. The Judgment: Resurrection and rebirth. Perfection of the body and soul. Final reward or punishment.

    Oh yeah. This looks more encouraging. I'm all about rebirth and perfection of body and soul. I haven't been particularly expert at these things, but they are things that I feel are important at which to work. It is the attitude emblematic of this card that inspired my username.

  8. The card at the left of the lower line represents the person or qualities that will sustain your spiritual journey. Strength: Strength and fortitude. Moral resolve. Triumph over base instincts. Mens sana in corpore sana (Sound mind in a sound body).

    Key 8: Strength: my favorite tarot card. Self-reliance. Discipline. Self-control. Will-power, determination, perseverance, intransigence, integrity. Yes. I'm big on that. I love where this one turned up. As I said, this read is really uncanny in what it would appear to be saying. Heh heh. Yeah, strength is what I'm all about now. I have always wanted to be someone who is useful, and needed. I want to be someone who has spiritual and material values that are tradable to others for what I want out of a relationship. I am not comfortable with myself when I see myself as too much of a "receiver" and not enough of a "giver." I want to be admired for what I can bring to someone. Part of the problem the ex and I had with each other is that we overlapped too much. We didn't have complementary strengths. We kind of took each other for granted, as a result. We really didn't need each other in a meaningful way.

  9. The card in the middle of the lower line represents the qualities that you express in this circumstance. Seven of Swords (Futility), when reversed: Uncertainty. Disagreements.

    This is a rather pessimistic prognosis. Futility and uncertainty. Well, with the unforeseen changes I've been dragged through in the last half a year, I could see uncertainty. I guess that I do have a lot of it. Things aren't done changing, either, even if some of those changes are going to be for the better, ultimately. I've not been one for futility though. I am a firm non-believer in the unwinnable scenario. I'm one of those kind of guys that thinks to rig the Kobiashi Maru test (to get geeky and invoke a Star Trek movie). Kind of funny what someone thought this card expresses. Futility and uncertainty would seem to be completely different ideas, to me. I am often given to uncertainty, but rarely to futility...unless we want to consider my attitude toward my prospects in dating... Hmm. I guess I can say that I haven't been too sanguine about getting back into the rough and tumble of "the singles scene." I tend not to "click" with people right away, if ever. Perhaps it is that I am just an eccentric duck, but women who really "bowl me over" are few and far between. It's not that I am some sort of perfectionist or are measuring people on some sort of impossible scale, it's just that it takes a really specific combination of qualities to grab my attention and make an impression on me. Such people, I have found, are very rare, and even when they can be found, there is no guarantee of reciprocity. Perhaps my situation has lead me to a bit of futility lately. That's not really an idea that I enjoy confronting, considering what a foolish concept futility is. Perhaps some distance and perspective would do me some good.

  10. The card at the right of the lower line represents the person or qualities that will reveal spiritual knowledge. Three of Cups (Abundance), when reversed: Superficial pleasure. Excessive emotion.

    This one would seem to suggest, that as an answer to my spiritual conundrums I should get out and get laid and indulge in flights of Dionysian release. Uh, I don't think so, Scooter. Perhaps it can be seen as saying that I'm on track for such nonsense and that is how I'm going to get smartened up. Eek. Like Benjamin Franklin once said, "Experience keeps a dear school, but a fool will learn in no other." Yack. I certainly don't want to make an ass of myself with foolish and empty pleasures and emotional chaos going on, even if some divine agency would promise me wisdom out of the experience. Have I been headed there though? I suppose the answer to that is no, unless I want to count this journal as an exercise in emotional venting. I guess it is, to a certain extent. I've never done anything as exhibitionistic with my introspection before, although I tend not to think of audience outside of my own head when I compose, whether I am putting things on a blog, or a spiral bound notebook. On the other hand, I have been subject to excessive emotion since being by myself. It hits at odd times. Nevertheless, I think that particular problem is fading out. I am getting used to this mode of living, and even finding some positives in it. That is becoming more and more the case, despite of setbacks like Friday, where I am reminded rather pointedly of what is wrong with things.


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