Serendipity a Bad Movie and the End of the EmpireLast Sunday, July 20th, I was invited to accompany a lady her two charming daughters and another pre-teen friend of theirs to a movie. The movie was to be "Pirates of the Carribean" which promised to be fun. I'm a sucker for a good swashbuckling adventure movie as much as the next guy, so I agreed, of course. Unfortunately, the next two showings of "Pirates of the Carribean" were sold out by the time we got there, and it was the only cinema in town. Needless to say, a hasty conference ensued and an even hastier straw-poll was taken, and it was determined that we were going to see "Legally Blonde II." Needless to say, with four gals, three of them between the ages of nine and thirteen, and one guy polled, a perfectly intriguing-looking movie like "Twenty-eight Days Later" wasn't even in the running. Damned democracy.
Okay, let me kill any suspense from the get-go. This is a baaaad picture, and I mean this in the most derrogatory way possible, film. First of all, it's entirely a chick-flick, which means that, right off the bat any male who watches it will actually be able to feel the catalytic process induced by such films, whereby the testosterone in his body will break down into it it's component inert compounds -- flatulence, B.O. and bad breath. Unfortunately for the movie, it insults it's target audience too, in various ways both subtle and gross, so if you get dragged to this flick by your S.O. she can feel preached at and condescended to as well. This show taught me that a Double Whopper with chesse and an order of onion rings can use the human stomach as a boxing ring for heavy weight competition betwixt themselves. The movie afflicted me like a kind of reverse siren song, with me in the role of brave Ulysses, whose naked ears (and eyes) were tortured, except that in my case, I wanted to run screaming from the theater without a care for how my companions were going to get home. To their good fortune, after a titanic battle, chivalry bested self-preservation, two falls out of three, and I stayed to watch this Clockwork Orange horror show all the way to the last bitter credit, as my companions, while rather disappointed in the picture, refused to exercise their discernment and flee the theater.
Nevertheless, about half way through this turkey, the story begins to get interesting -- mine, not the movie's. I began to understand a perverse potential in this diabolical fiend in Comedy's mask. Yes, there is a silver lining to this dark cloud of sappy indigestion fodder. The real beauty about "Legally Blonde II" is that it fearlessly, and certainly unintentionally, tells the unvarnished truth about the Evil Empire which the beautiful United States Republic has become. Once I got over the sickeningly bad premises, insulting themes, and trite storyline in this movie, I began to appreciate the story running beneath the surface. As I said, this subsurface story is entirely true, although the people who wrote and produced the movie clearly believe otherwise. In short, what this movie does, is give everyone an in depth look at sausage making -- referring to the quote that, "If one loves sausage and respects the law, one should never watch either being made." Here are some of the unintended messages about government which are transmitted by the film:
- It promotes enui, disillusionment, intrigue, mediocrity, cynicism, hypocrissy, and pettiness in its participants.
- It stifles independent thought.
- It corrupts integrity.
- It lends itself to whatever faddish whim or passion inflames the fickle interests of the Booboise
- It is subject to hijack by crackpots with foolish notions.
- It is implicitly conflict-inducing so because many adgendas are inherently mutually contradictory. It breeds factionalism.
- It is the source of the evil futility that occurs when far too few are given far too much groundless authority over far too many.
- Its chief mechanism for accomplishing anything is demagoguery. When coercion is the tool and the goal, reason becomes a football to be bandied about.
- The process of legislation is a glorified fig-leaf for pilfering, extortion, and blackmail.
- That democracy is not "the voice of the people" but rather the tool of unscrupulous scoundrels claiming to represent the people.
- That not only has the personal become the politial, but the trivial has as well.
Some Fun Escapism to Beat the Heat
I went to see two movies tonight -- er, Sunday night, again. Hey, what can I say? Sometimes you just have to get the hell out of the house and get away from the usual. I holed up in the theater from 6:30 to 11:30 doing nothing but enjoying myself with some escapist big-screen entertainment.
The first movie was "Pirates of the Caribbean." I just want to say ingenuemuse was right. It was worth one's last twenty bucks. No, it's not very complex and it's predictable in spots, but it's well done and loads of fun. We need more good swashbuckling pirate movies. The last really good ones that come to mind off the top of my head are Nate and Hayes with Tommy Lee Jones and Michael O'Keefe, and Swashbuckler with Robert Shaw, James Earl Jones, Peter Boyle, and Genevieve Bujold. I think everyone did a fine job with this one. Surprisingly, Johny Depp managed to pull off the role of Captain Jack Sparrow perfectly, and Geoffrey Rush was his usual flamboyant self as Captain Barbossa, Depp's primary antagonist.
The second movie was "28 Days Later." This movie is not really all that original but on the other hand, it's worth it if your not demanding originality and depth. It is a great deal like a cross between "Night of the Living Dead" and "The Omega Man," both of which have excellent pedigrees. "Night of the Living Dead" having been written and directed by the legendary George A. Romero and "The Omega Man" being a screen adapataion of the excellent book "I Am Legend" by Richard Matheson. The movie is rather dark and gory in spots, and has a depressing and somewhat pessimistic view of human nature, but the story is otherwise reasonable. The cinamatography is interesting too, with an original take on the diseased zombies menacing the protagonists.