I've got to finish putting the living room in order so that I can relax in there and enjoy my fireplace this winter. I love this damned house. It's really way too much for me, but it feels like home. This is the second house I've replaced the manual thermostat with a programmable digital one. They end up paying for themselves in the saved gas bill or else the convenience of waking up and coming home to a warm house. Doing stuff like that makes this place feel like my home, even though I rent it. Heh, bereft I may be, but homeless I am not. I shouldn't crow so loud over such trivial stuff. I'm pretty damned handy, and I'm reasonably good with plumbing and electricity and tools in general, thanks to my natural curiosity and my dad and grandfather, but as much as I admire the guy's talent, I'm no Homer Formby.
Of course, doing this kind of stuff puts me in a weird frame of mind. What is it in me that gets off so much on being a fire builder and shelter maker? Heh heh, I am the unreconstructed male. I'm such a foolish home/family type I'm what would be classed in The Sims 2 game as a "family Sim." Sometimes it seems so foolish to think of being that way though, given that I've spent the last decade and a half in an attempt at having that life and it just fell apart. At any rate, it is in the Fall, like this that I miss having companionship the most. Is that weird, or what? It's not even my favorite season, which is summer, and it's certainly not the traditional season for feeling longings and rabbit urges, which is spring. Nevertheless, there it is. Maybe it has to do with the rains and building fires and keeping warm. Maybe it's just the time when I think about getting older, or I think about the holidays or I don't know. On one hand, I feel like my talents are going to waste. On the other, I'm just not ready. I don't think I'm done thinking about things. I certainly I don't want to make the same mistakes I made before. I don't have that much life to waste. I'd like it to count this time. Is that too much or foolish or an immature refusal to face reality, to want what I want at this stage of the game? Alternatively, doesn't everybody else run off and have a mid-life crisis at this point? The other alternative is to resign myself to a quiet bachelorhood, becoming old and humorously misogynist like Professor Higgins in "Pygmalion" before Eliza showed up and turned everything upside down. I just don't know.
Ah well. I am a perceiver. I know it will come to me if I keep my eyes open and just keep moving. I will see what I will see. I'm not one to fence myself in with over-planning. Heh, the ex would say I have no plans at all, but that's not really true -- I just prefer to remain flexible. It's certainly one of the things with which she found fault in me. Ah well, you have to play your own cards and parlay them into what you can. Things are going to change eventually.
That's the Way of the World
Earth, Wind, & Fire
Hearts of fire creates love desire
Take you high and higher to the world you belong
Hearts of fire creates love desire
High and higher to your place on the throne
We’ve come together on this special day
To sing our message loud and clear
Looking back we’ve touched on sorrowful days
Future pass, they disappear
You will find peace of mind
If you look way down in your heart and soul
Don’t hesitate ‘cause the world seems cold
Stay young at heart ‘cause you’re never (never, never, ..) old at heart