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Montecristo Captain Quixote


The World Line of the Horizon Star

Some would say I was a lost man in a lost world

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Montecristo Captain Quixote

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It's late, and I am just getting settled in again. I had some more last-minute stuff to do tonight. I've still got to buy more postage stamps. I've still got to write all of these cards to people. I stopped at the mall again tonight to pick up a couple more things. I think there were more people there this time. How busy can I get? My project at work is still lagging. We keep finding little bugs that need correcting, and now someone has found a bug in the shared communications library which is probably going to require a re-compile and more testing. What a mess. Fortunately, the meeting with the patent attourney is out of the way for a couple of weeks. That went better than expected. I am freaking out on how well that went. When this thing takes off, life itself as I know it will turn upside down. These are the quiet times. I should enjoy them while they're here, because after McGuffin, it's all going to change. Sometimes that's too scary to contemplate.

I've still got to settle these unresolved issues with the ex-wife. I can't believe she really thinks she's entitled to spousal support. It's mind blowing. She's married to that guy in all but name. She comes over here to this page and reads what I've written (not that I mind, per se) and writes on my page, which is slightly more irritating when she's talking trash at me, but still that's really not of any consequence. I just can't believe she can't let me go. That is what is mind-boggling. I can't believe she would waste her time, reading what I have to say. Hell, if she was that interested, why did she bother to leave in the first place? The way I had her figured, I thought she would be eighty-seven kinds of absolute gone, once she left, and she isn't. It's like she can't stand the idea of getting her hooks out of me. I'm long past the point of needing to detatch and move on. I really don't care anymore. I wish her the best for her life, but I don't really see the need to associate with her anymore. It's almost like there's more at issue here than money to her. That's just too weird. Good gravy, she's carrying that other guy's kid now. She has no more business in my life what so ever. Hell, this mess was her idea. Why doesn't she just go live the life she claims she wanted, and let me go? Divorce is crazy. I would advise anyone who's never tried it to avoid it by almost any means possible.

On top of this, I am trying to get ready for a trip. At the end of November my grandmother was in the hospital for kidney infection and possible pneumonia. In the course of discovering that my grandmother did not have pneumonia, they discovered a golf ball-sized tumor on her lung. It looks pretty bad. The doctors wanted to do a bronchoscopy and get a piece of it and analyze the tumor to find out what it was doing, but my grandmother wasn't up for anyone ramming a tube up her nose and down into her lung. I guess they've told her that it's almost certainly terminal. She's eighty seven and too frail to get chemo. She's had two strokes within the last decade and she's not able to walk really well and she's getting really skinny. She's decided that all her blood pressure and other meds are upsetting her stomach so she's called a moratorium on taking those too. If she wasn't terminal enough, well then I guess she's getting there now. So I'm going back to Ohio to visit her, because it's probably the last I'm going to see of her.

The last time I was back there was for my grandfather's funeral in July of 1999. He told me goodbye when I moved to California in 1996, because I think he knew that he wouldn't be seeing me again, and he was right, unfortunately. I suppose this trip means that I get to avoid that with respect to my grandmother. To be sure, as bad as it makes me feel to say it, I'm not sure which is worse. I'm lying though. It's better to go back and see her. No matter how you slice it, death is something inevitable, still. In all of the time humans have been walking the earth, not one of us, in all our billions, has escaped it. Barring a fantastic breakthrough in medical science in the next few decades, it is something I will not escape, either. It is sometimes a grim thing to contemplate.

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I don't understand the need to be involved in your life anymore, either, especially if it's more than just the money. It seems terribly unfair and completely irrational on all counts.

If you are able to get away for a day, I'd love to meet you. I forgot that I have the 27th off, so that might be a possibility, too. Whatever you are able to arrange (if anything - and there's certainly no pressure there), please let Footleji and me know.

I suspect that the need to "be involved in my life" concerns mostly how money is to be spent on our children. I figure she wants control of the lion's share of both our incomes so she can dictate who gets to spend what on them and for what purpose. Of course, she may seriously believe that I "owe" her for something. Ha! That'll be the damned day!

I'm sorry about all the stuff you're having to deal with right now, from your ex-wife's crap to your grandmother's illness. One of my grandmothers has lung cancer that they aren't going to treat, so I kind of know how you feel. At least my grandma is nearby though, so I can still see her periodically.

Thanks. Yeah, it's not much fun to contemplate. I am looking forware to seeing everyone again.

I'm very sorry to hear about your grandmother. It's good that you've got the chance to see her again, though.

That's certainly true. I am looking forward to seeing the family again. California's great, and it is my home, and I love it, but my family is not here, except for my daughters.

I'm sorry to hear about the ex-wife AND the grandmother thing. Definitely not going to make any comments on the ex-wife though. Dog only knows how they would be taken. It's like commenting in the Watergate Hotel LiveJournal!

I have a similar opinion to yours on the divorce thing. Mine was relatively quiet, and I haven't even SEEN my ex- since before it was final. And only talked to her once. And STILL it's weird, just on a personal feeling level. I also don't recommend it.

However, that has alot to do with the fact that I don't necessarily recommend getting married in the FIRST place, either. :-P

"It's like commenting in the Watergate Hotel LiveJournal"


It's funny 'cause it's true!

Yeah, her and her wonderboy have really managed to bug me all right. I honestly can't believe that about her. I find it so hard to understand how she could give a damn one way or another about what I'm doing now and what I have to say. It's incredible. I've known her eighteen years and it's just a shock to think that she could be like this. I don't understand it at all.

wow, sorry to hear about your grandmother. i'm glad you have the means of getting back there to see her. which part of ohio are you going to? my older brother's in mansfield.

and i do hope this gets settled with your ex. it seems to be such a pain, i can't imagine how much energy it's taking out of both of you.

I was born and raised in Chillicothe. That's a smallish city about half way between Columbus and Portsmouth.

Sorry to hear about your grandmother. It's remarkable to me that your grandmother is still around-- I never met mine, is all. I'm glad she's still coherent, and is living her life on her terms. Topics like this get very touchy for me due to my mothers health, so I can imagine how hard this is for you.

As for the issues with your ex-wife... Brrrrr! Icy times for you. I don't know, my dear sammich, maybe you should keep any posts regarding finances in relation to her under a friends lock. I mean to say that perhaps its best not to show your hand to the others at the table, no? You have every right to want to change this situation-- but she doesn't seem willing to compromise (financially) right now. I don't know the full story, mind, but it's probably best you exclude her from reading about this if you already tried to discuss this with her in person...

Yes, my grandmother is still living life on her terms. She always has. She's a very inspiring person and has meant a lot to me and to the kind of person into which I have grown. I don't want to imply that I am discounting the memory of my other three grandparents, who were also very wonderful people, especially to me, but my grandmother is my favorite. I could go on about her all day, but when it comes to writing about her, I just don't know where to start. It is hard to consider losing her, and I know that I have only dealt with the issue on an intellectual level, so far. That's one of the reasons I haven't posted anything on the issue until now. It's still not sunken in, and I am kind of dreading the feeling when it does, which is why I am somewhat apprehensive about this trip.

I understand what you're saying about your mother. From what I've heard from you on the subject, she sounds like a very interesting lady. I suspect, if I am not vaguely remembering from something you said, that it was she who gave you your name. I do hope you get to spend a lot more time with her. It seems to me that you don't seem to get enough time with some of the people you really want to see. Feh. I'm familiar with the phenomenon.

As for my ex-wife, I'm playing it straight. I don't care what she knows. The facts in the case are the facts, and I've already made it clear from whence I am coming in some paperwork filed previously. We had a court date to go talk to a mediator earlier this month, but it's postponed until January now, due to scheduling problems with the lawyers -- one of the other things I've been dealing with this month. Feh. Wasted time. I am hoping that she will just wake up and let go. It's time for me to have my life back. She has a life, and it's one with which she says she is happy. I should be entitled to the same opportunity. She can be a sensible woman, when she wants to be, but if she's not inclined to be so, I'm still confident that I will walk out of a courtroom better off than when I went in.

I'm sorry about your grandmother, but I'm glad you're going to see her. I'm sure it will mean a lot to you both.

Death is inevitable, no matter what medical advances may postpone it. However, I also believe that life is too short to dwell on that grim fact. Plan for it, yes, particularly for those whose lives our own life has touched. But after that, just live.

That is certainly a philosophy to which I attempt to adhere also!

I would advise anyone who's never tried it to avoid it by almost any means possible.

I'm always amazed that there are so many divorced people walking around, seemingly whole, when the entire process is so horrendous. I think to myself, "how did they make it to the other side in one piece?" And I'm the one who walked out of the marriage! Nonetheless, divorce is still the worst meat-grinder a human being can throw himself into.

I'm not sure why your ex looks at your LJ, but I think it would be hard to not peer into an ex's life, for a multitude of reasons. Do you ever read hers? (You don't have to answer that; I'm being rhetorical more than anything else here.) I have a couple of ex's on LJ--one who meant a lot to me and whose journal I go back and read when I need to feel close to him, or alternately when I need to distance myself. It is painful yet compelling to read what he is up to and how he has moved forward.

Don't know if that's why your ex checks on you, but thought I'd throw in my two euros.

I did read her LJ when "the love of her life" popped in a while back to start making comments here. Unbelieveable! I couldn't believe she encouraged him to look into what I had to say. I don't understand those two at all, but I guess they're cut out for each other. More power to them. No, I don't read her LJ anymore. I don't care. I really just want to get away from her now.

Thanks for the euros. Wow. Inflation sure is fierce. ; )

Good for your grandma. I think aggressive treatment can shorten lives.
Have an awesome visit.

Yeah. I don't think my granny would survive chemotherapy.

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