Sometimes, things get so freaky. I can't think about this, and I have to shut off my brain or distract myself with something or laugh like a madman. If McGuffin doesn't fly, then the worst that can be said is that I will have to look for a new job, after I will have quit this one to work on it full time for a year. If it does fly, and it looks very possible, to me, then the tornado dumps me in the middle of Oz without a map. I am more freaked by the idea of succeeding at this than of failing at it. Perhaps that is not the best attitude in the world to have toward something like this, but I absolutely don't know what else to think. I just have to play it by ear and keep moving forward. For all the scary-ness this is fun.
I talked with my mom last night. She was talking about my job vs McGuffin. I don't know where she's been the last several months, but she seemed alarmed that I would be leaving some pretty beneficial employment to chase this madness. I think she realizes that it is fly or fail time, now, and that when McGuffin gets off of the ground, I am going to be working without a net. She wished me luck. I don't really know what my parents believe. As I have said, some times, just thinking about what's going to happen if we can get this thing going is just too much to consider. I don't know where to start. I think it's beginning to dawn on my parents that I am serious in this endeavor and that I am going to be pursuing it, if I get half the chance. I don't think they're quite there yet, nor to be honest, am I.
If I have learned nothing else this last year, it is not to think of life as something settled. Disaster and opportunity have very good camouflage. The preparation which matters most is to be resourceful, prepared, and possessed of a strong will. Also, being good at holding down the butterflies in your guts is a good skill to cultivate as well.