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Montecristo Captain Quixote


The World Line of the Horizon Star

Some would say I was a lost man in a lost world

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Southpark Bob Captain Nebbish

Life is one crazy thing after another.

I had another McGuffin meeting at lunch today. Officially, I became a significant stockholder in a company which in the very near future, will potentially, but very conservatively, be worth millions. When Robert and Don and I got back to our day jobs, we attended a company wide meeting where our current employer distributed to everybody $150 in travelers checks because nobody at our current place of employ poked out an eye or cut off a finger. My head is spinning like Linda Blair's and my sense of proportion meter is hanging out on the end of its cable.

Sometimes, things get so freaky. I can't think about this, and I have to shut off my brain or distract myself with something or laugh like a madman. If McGuffin doesn't fly, then the worst that can be said is that I will have to look for a new job, after I will have quit this one to work on it full time for a year. If it does fly, and it looks very possible, to me, then the tornado dumps me in the middle of Oz without a map. I am more freaked by the idea of succeeding at this than of failing at it. Perhaps that is not the best attitude in the world to have toward something like this, but I absolutely don't know what else to think. I just have to play it by ear and keep moving forward. For all the scary-ness this is fun.

I talked with my mom last night. She was talking about my job vs McGuffin. I don't know where she's been the last several months, but she seemed alarmed that I would be leaving some pretty beneficial employment to chase this madness. I think she realizes that it is fly or fail time, now, and that when McGuffin gets off of the ground, I am going to be working without a net. She wished me luck. I don't really know what my parents believe. As I have said, some times, just thinking about what's going to happen if we can get this thing going is just too much to consider. I don't know where to start. I think it's beginning to dawn on my parents that I am serious in this endeavor and that I am going to be pursuing it, if I get half the chance. I don't think they're quite there yet, nor to be honest, am I.

If I have learned nothing else this last year, it is not to think of life as something settled. Disaster and opportunity have very good camouflage. The preparation which matters most is to be resourceful, prepared, and possessed of a strong will. Also, being good at holding down the butterflies in your guts is a good skill to cultivate as well.

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I was talking to Phil once, a long time ago, and he mentioned something about me being afraid of failure. Or afraid of success, "since they're the same thing."

The context had a lot to do with why, but I almost cried. Even I hadn't realized that before (that they're the same, and I am both), but he is of course absolutely right.

In other words, I wouldn't worry about being afraid of success. It's a scary thing. But given how hard you've worked on this, how levelheaded you're being about the risks, and how clearly dedicated you are, I know you'll be able to handle it.

The lady gives me too much credit!

It's 40% stubbornness and 60% curiosity.

Re: The lady gives me too much credit!

That's good enough. ; )

So far, everythings been mostly writing and talking, with technical aspects pushed to the rear burner while we scramble around looking for some funding and someone who knows how to get a successful company off the ground. We're learning tons of stuff, but the real work, the fun, techie stuff can't be started back up again until we get a lab. With any luck, that will happen before Spring.

Mo cheol thu! (Bravo & good luck :))

I think its incredibly brave of you. Not only that - but indicative of the belief you have in your talent and ability.

It is big...and it is scary...but the potential payoff in satisfaction and renumeration make it sound very much worth taking the jump for.

And hey - I'm not so far from Oz - if you get dumped there look me up ;)

Re: Mo cheol thu! (Bravo & good luck :))

Thank you for your kind words. I'm kind of embarassed by this post now. I probably ought to make it private -- it just looks like idle boasting, especially since I have never said what it is. This thing has been such an enormous opportunity to me though, I've been dying to tell someone, so I blow off about it in here. You are somewhat correct -- it is either bravery or foolhardiness, even if it works. It is those things especially if it works.

You are right about my technical abilities. I have no fear of being able to handle the software end of this project. I know where I am going on it, which is why my friend Robert brought me in on this thing. He's an electrical engineer and great at hardware design but he is not an embedded software engineer. That's my half.

I have no question that the potential McGuffin represents is worth the effort and risk I am putting into it. Even if it fails, it won't be a tremendous setback. On the other hand, I am being drawn into a company, as part of the team that will make this thing run. I've never held a management postion in my life. Heh! Everyone in this venture is completely green, and the stakes are high. This is not the kind of project on which to cut your teeth in trying to create a company, and yet, here we are.

In addition to this, if it does succeed, I will have to change my entire mode of living. I can't even begin to imagine what it will require of me. Most people have this mistaken impression that money changes people -- that it makes them into something else. It's not true. People have to change themselves. You have to rise to the challenge of managing your money or else it will destroy you. The thing is though, even if I do succeed, and I manage to change in such a way that I am able to master a much larger income and wherewithal, I will have to change to do it, and in ways I cannot imagine. It will be different than the life I have known. I'm not sure what I think of that yet.

Re: Mo cheol thu! (Bravo & good luck :))

Find yourself a good investment counselor - I did it years ago and have never been sorry. He does my worrying for me - I do check the books frequently though ;)

I'm a software engineer myself and a manager. Its not so tough really - most of it is common sense. If you ever need a sounding board, although I'm sure you have your partners, I can be an unbiased ear.

I've never had the desire to run my own show - my strength is in building divisions when someone else is footing the bill ;)

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