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Montecristo Captain Quixote


The World Line of the Horizon Star

Some would say I was a lost man in a lost world

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Montecristo Captain Quixote

Characteristics, values, virtues, idioms, predilections, idiosyncrasies, and foolish memes.

So when I find myself alone and unworthy,
I think about all of the things I learned,
From the fine, fine women with nothing but good intentions,
--Semisonic: "Chemistry"
Since the ex left, I've given a lot of thought to what really attracts me to someone -- what I would look for if I were going to take up with a partner again. I've seen a great deal, and learned a few valuable things. I know some very inspiring, thoughtful, and smart people. One of these days I hope to compile it all -- to draft out the cartography of my personal love-map -- and post it somewhere so that I can organize my thoughts and get my values clarified as it were. Until then, the insights come in disordered snippets of introspection. I think a lot about values and just what the hell is in my love map. What does it really mean, to value certain qualities? You can ask people what they find attractive, and invariably you end up with some sort of list of qualities. What does such a list mean though? You can jot down a virtue like "courage" but what does it mean to say that you value courage? Doesn't your list really comprise things that would make someone unattractive if they lacked that virtue? Does anyone value cowardice? If something is a virtue, doesn't that pretty much stand to reason that it is universally valued? In that case, what makes a person uniquely value someone else? This is an issue I have with Ayn Rand and the philosophy of Objectivism. People are more than just a summary list of values. If you fall in love with someone, you love them for more than just a bare list of values; you love them for a whole gamut of characteristics, a significant subset of which are universal values, but some of them are things like personal idioms, arbitrary likes, predilections, and fondnesses, physical features and abilities, and even idiosyncrasies. If you cherish someone and then were to meet someone else who was a superset of all your love's values and who had n+1 values, you'd not necessarily switch to loving that new person better. In Ayn Rand's novel, Atlas Shrugged, one of the more difficult things Rand had to sell to me, as a reader, was the idea that Dagny, the heroine, would throw-over well-developed characters like Hank Rearden, and especially Francisco D'Anconia, both of whom had significant and actual romantic involvements with her, and fall for John Galt, a man who had no prior interaction with her and remained pretty much an abstract list of hypothetical virtues for most of the novel.

Last week or so, I got to thinking about this idea of virtues, values, and characteristics when contemplating something I told two of my friends when they each were contemplating happy news on their respective pages: "There is nothing more inspiringly beautiful than the sight of a happy woman." It's true, at the very least it is truth in my personal book. It occurred to me that two characteristics in a woman's character/personality that I really value are: a capacity for joy and a sense of whimsy. It seems to me that those two things are not necessarily really universal virtues to everyone. After all, there are many staid and even downright dour people in the world, and they need love too, and frequently find it, so someone must not mind, or perhaps even enjoys or treasures, the women of serious mien or no-nonsense character, who approach life as more of a worthy job or a heroic struggle. I just know that's not me.

I think that capacity for joy and sense of whimsy could be two of the common denominators among all of the women to whom I have ever been attracted. Certainly, the ex had those two characteristics. For all of the anger and frustration I went through with her, and the scorn I had for her behavior, to give the devil her due, she did have those two virtues in her sense of life. She always wondered how I could come to the conclusions that I did about her, over some of the things she did, like the fact that she behaved deceitfully and was often self-absorbed, and yet still be attracted to her. I never was able to make her see that people are more complex than two-dimensional heroes and villains, and that most of the time, her virtues and other endearing characteristics carried more weight with me than her flaws. I suppose that this is still true, even though I have such trouble dealing with her directly anymore.

Pop Quiz: Name Five Idiosyncrasies That You Have
About a month ago, minstrel70 did a meme involving the identification of five personal idiosyncrasies. Actually, I was intrigued by the exercise, so I thought about it a bit, and then I realized that it is actually hard, at least for me, to come up with five idiosyncrasies right out of thin air like that. You don't think of your own foibles and ways of acting as being idiosyncrasies in the first place, at least, I don't. I wondered if this were difficult to do for other people. I took an informal poll of some of the people at work. I didn't want to put them on the spot about idiosyncrasies which were potentially embarrassing, so I asked them instead, how fast could they think of or identify five idiosyncrasies that they have. Most of them got three within about ten minutes and weren't shy about sharing them, as they were pretty harmless, but all of the people I asked needed more time than about fifteen minutes to come up with more than three. It took me about an hour to think up five things about me that could be considered idiosyncrasies.

Some of my idiosyncrasies:

id • i • o • syn • cra • sy -- noun
pl. -- id • i • o • syn • cra • sies

  1. A structural or behavioral characteristic peculiar to an individual or group.
  2. A physiological or temperamental peculiarity.
  3. An unusual individual reaction to food or a drug.
List five of your own idiosyncrasies and tag five friends to do the same.

Tagged by: minstrel70

  1. I'm an Neo-Objectivist-leaning, atheistic, anarcho-capitalist. I'm for free markets and decriminalized drugs, against empire, mercantilism, welfare, and gun control. I'm not quite sure if one's political beliefs can be classed as "idiosyncrasies" but I have to admit that mine are unusual and besides, minstrel70 got away with claiming something similar when he did this meme.
  2. I don't mind ear-worms -- those songs or fragments of music that seem to get stuck in people's heads. In fact, I appreciate them. I have an "Internal DJ," and when I'm not listening to music, she often "spins tunes" for me in my head. Unlike many people, I don't get annoyed at being drawn into some piece of music and have it running repeatedly through my mind. I figure if it's in my head, it's there for some reason cooked up by my psyche (in the guise of my internal DJ), even if I fail to consciously identify that reason.
  3. I had kinky desires long years before I ever even knew what kink or sex even was. It's nothing completely outrageous and it's not like an obsession or anything, but apparently, it didn't follow the average sexual development. I was precocious. I'm not one of those people who make "a lifestyle" out of their sexuality, and I can't understand the need to be an exhibitionist or make public art of it, although once upon a time I thought about what that would be like to get totally into a "kinked" lifestyle. Of course, life is more than sex. Nevertheless, every once in awhile, I get a hankering for some spicy kinks I tend to fancy.
  4. I'm a natural lucid dreamer, but my lucid dreams occur only sporadically, and I have previously lacked the discipline to develop the talent. Before I went to college, I just assumed that everyone had the ability to know when they were dreaming and the power to manipulate the stuff of their dreams. I have some interesting dream skills, but it's by far not an impressive catalog.
  5. I have a strong, perverse contrary streak. I love thinking outside of the box, and I very much dislike and resist being bamboozled, pushed, imposed upon, threatened, blackmailed, rushed, intimidated, or subjected to "a hard sell." When I feel subjected to those tactics I can be freakishly inventive at warping the outcome to derail the intent of anyone who tries them.
I tag:

What have you done, lately?
I also got tagged on another meme... I saw this one cross fearsclave's page, and he tagged prolixfootle, so I knew that I would be next, so I started working on this one. It is yet another of those memes where you bold the items that apply to you. There are not as many surprising items on this one, compared with the last one I did.

The Rules:

  1. Bold the following that apply to you.
  2. Italicize things you wish applied to you
  3. Add something(s) that apply to you. Phrase the item(s) in the first person, and phrase them generally, so that they could conceivably apply to anyone or at least any member of one sex or group. Don't use conditionals or list things that are only desired -- if it is only the case that you wish the item applied to you, list the item as if it did apply, but then use italics, i.e. I have been in a food fight. I own a humvee. etc.
  4. Tag five more people.

I was tagged by: prolixfootle (as expected, when fearsclave tagged him).

I tag: Nobody. Come on, I wouldn't saddle anyone with this monster. Play if you feel like it!

  • I have been vaccinated against rabies.
  • I've skydived solo.
  • I miss somebody right now.
  • I don’t watch much TV these days.
  • I love olives. (only mostly the black ones) (only on pizza)
  • I own lots of books.
  • I wear glasses or contact lenses.
  • I love to play video games.
  • I’ve tried marijuana.
  • I’ve watched porn movies.
  • I have been in a threesome.
  • I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
  • I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
  • I curse sometimes.
  • I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
  • I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
  • I’m TOTALLY smart. (and not very humble)
  • I’ve broken someone’s bones.
  • I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
  • I hate the rain.
  • I’m paranoid at times.
  • I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
  • I need money right now.
  • I love sushi.
  • I talk really, really fast.
  • I have fresh breath in the morning.
  • I have long hair.
  • I have lost money in Las Vegas. (not much -- it was a tourist thing)
  • I have at least one sibling.
  • I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
  • I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
  • I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D.
  • I like the way that I look.
  • I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.
  • I know how to cornrow.
  • I am usually pessimistic.
  • I have a lot of mood swings.
  • I think prostitution should be legalized.
  • I think Britney Spears is pretty.
  • I slept with a Suitemate.
  • I have a hidden talent.
  • I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
  • I have a lot of friends.
  • I am currently single.
  • I have pecked someone of the same sex.
  • I enjoy talking on the phone.
  • I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
  • I love to shop.
  • I enjoy window shopping.
  • I would rather shop than eat.
  • I would classify myself as ghetto.
  • I’m bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
  • I’m obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal. (Eh? Define "obsessed". It's debatable.)
  • I don’t hate anyone. I dislike them.
  • I’m a pretty good dancer.
  • I've seen someone die in person.
  • I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
  • I have a cell phone.
  • I believe in a god(s).
  • I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
  • I’ve rejected someone before.
  • I currently like someone.
  • I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
  • I have children. (Been there, done that, could do it again. Fun, fun, fun!)
  • I have changed a diaper before.
  • I’ve called the cops on a friend before.
  • I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
  • I’m not allergic to anything.
  • I have a lot to learn.
  • I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
  • I am shy around the opposite sex.
  • I’m online 24/7, even as an away message.
  • I have at least 5 away messages saved.
  • I have tried alcohol or drugs before.
  • I have made a move on a friend’s significant other or crush in the past.
  • I own the "South Park" movie.
  • I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal.
  • I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum when I was a kid.
  • I enjoy some country music. (Damned little of it, but some.)
  • I would die for my best friends. (Definitely depends upon the circumstances though.)
  • I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
  • I watch soap operas whenever I can.
  • I’m obsessive, and often a perfectionist.
  • I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
  • I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
  • I know all the words to Slick Rick’s "Children’s Story".
  • I believe Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
  • I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
  • I have dated a close friend’s ex.
  • I like surveys/memes. (Sometimes)
  • I am happy at this moment.
  • I’m obsessed with guys.
  • I am a Democrat.
  • I am a Conservative Republican.
  • I am a registered independent voter.
  • I am a Libertarian.
  • I am an Anarcho-capitalist.
  • I am punk rockish.
  • I am preppy.
  • I go for older guys/girls, not younger.
  • I study for tests most of the time. (I haven't taken any for years, but...)
  • I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I’ve ever met.
  • I can work on a car. (When I have to do so)
  • I love my job.
  • I am comfortable with who I am right now.
  • I have more than just my ears pierced.
  • I walk barefoot wherever I can. (Heh. Sounds like my ex-wife)
  • I have jumped off a bridge.
  • I love sea turtles.
  • I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.
  • I believe in prophetic dreams
  • I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
  • I am proficient on a musical instrument. (I used to be proficient.)
  • I worked at McDonald’s restaurant.
  • I hate office jobs.
  • I like sci-fi movies.
  • I think water rules.
  • I went to college out of state.
  • I am adopted.
  • I like sausage.
  • I am a pyro. (Well, not quite, but I really like fire.)
  • I love the Red Sox.
  • I have thrown up from crying too much.
  • I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
  • I love kisses. (There are those who don't?)
  • I fall for the worst people and have been hurt every time.
  • I adore bright colors.
  • I love Dear Abby.
  • I can’t live without black eyeliner.
  • I think school is awesome.
  • I think pigtails serve a purpose.
  • I don’t know why the hell I just did this stupid thing.
  • I usually like covers better than originals.
  • I don’t like multi-textured ice cream.
  • I think John Cusack is adorable.
  • I fucking hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays
  • I watch Food Network way too much.
  • I love coaching youth sports.
  • I can pick up things with my toes. (This is very handy in the shower.) (Obviously, this is not a hidden talent.)
  • I can’t whistle.
  • I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes’ slither. (This is not a hidden talent, either.)
  • I have ridden/owned a horse.
  • I still have every journal I’ve ever written in.
  • I can’t stick to a diet. (...but my diet frequently sticks to me?)
  • I talk in my sleep. (It's rare, but someone once told me that I did.)
  • I’ve often thought that I was born in the wrong century.
  • I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
  • Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time. (It has its attractions)
  • I have jazz in my blood. (Not sure what this means, but I like it, a lot.)
  • I would not be friends if they weren’t family.
  • I wear a toe ring.
  • I have a tattoo.
  • I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
  • I am a caffeine junkie. (Recovered!)
  • I know who Santos L. Halper is.
  • I read trashy romance novels and I am ashamed.
  • I love wrestling.
  • I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.
  • If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.
  • I cosplayed or know what cosplaying is. (Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.)
  • I'm kinky.
  • I have a fetish
  • I'm gay.
  • I have been to over 15 conventions.
  • I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
  • I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.
  • I'm an artist.
  • I have a goal to collect every Johnny Depp movie ever made.
  • I am ambidextrous.
  • I sleep with so many stuffed animals, I can hardly fit on my bed.
  • My computer has a name. (Yes, to identify it to the network.)
  • If it weren't for having to see other people naked, I'd live in a nudist colony.
  • I have terrible teeth.
  • I hate my toes. (I hate my feet completely--well, I like that they get me places, but beyond that...)
  • I did this Meme even though I wasn't tagged by the person who took it before me.
  • I have more friends on the internet than in real life.
  • I have lived in either three different states or countries.
  • I am extremely flexible.
  • I love hugs more than kisses.
  • I want to own my own business.
  • I smoke or tried cigarettes.
  • I have met a star from ABC's LOST.
  • I spend way too much time on the computer than on anything else.
  • I've never been described as normal.
  • Sad movies, songs, games, fics and the like can cause a trickle of tear every now and then. (Shit happens)
  • I am proficient in the use of one or more types firearms or combat weapons.
  • I like the way women look in stylized men's suits.
  • I don't like it when people are unpleased or seem unpleased with me.
  • I have been described as a dreamer or likely to have my head up in the cloud
  • I have played tennis with my non dominant hand before
  • I have played strip poker with someone else before (Yawn)
  • I read the labels on food, shampoo, and other things just because.
  • I have emotional problems for which I have sought professional help.
  • I believe I am in love with a Japanese rock star.
  • I prefer cold and dry climates.
  • I'm in love with someone right now
  • I don't plan to stay in my present city for more than two years more
  • I feel that I know what my true calling is
  • I'm still looking to the stars for that ride back home.
  • I'm not ashamed to be blunt
  • My boobs hurt right now. (Why do women frequently feel a need to announce this? Do they want them rubbed or something?)
  • I have never experienced the runner's high and believe it is a myth.
  • I have or had a pet cat.
  • I have or had a pet dog.

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So very nice to hear from you. I like it "joy" and "whimsy." Those would be great names for two little puppies or kittens or other pairs of matching things. I will have to remember that!:) lol There is a certain capriciousness that is attractive in a woman that certainly doesn't suit a man. That is why I named my daughter "Emma." It is that very essence in Austen's character that I so admired-- abject femininity!

I really think it is difficult to quantify that certain "quelque chose" that tugs at our heart strings and makes us lose all control of our rational senses, and ultimately I think that is what makes love so fun! Me thinks that when the "Count" will fall, it will be hard and fast!:)

btw-- this image of a cartographer and a map sounds awfully familiar. Didn't I just write a poem about that?!

Yes, you did, and I have been trying to find it again

Heh. I do so much commenting, it sometimes is easy for me to forget that I don't post entries of my own as frequently as some.

Abject femininity? Are you sure you meant that term? Were you intending it as a synonym for absolute? "AB" words, for the most part cary a negative connotation:

  • abase
  • abjure
  • abash
  • abandon
  • abyss
  • aberrant
  • abject
  • ...
I'm suspecting a mistyping here.

I am almost certain that you did, in fact write something along the lines of love map cartography. I've got to look that up. The love map is a psychological concept put forward by John Money, and I guess it mostly concerns eroticism and sexual connotations, but I tend to think of it more along broader lines of emotional and sexual connotations -- as more of an intimacy map. Obviously, where there is a map, the idea of a cartographer follows naturally from that, but your page was the first place I saw that in writing. Do you remember where it is on your page and I'll link it!

Re: Yes, you did, and I have been trying to find it again

hmmm....that is a mind working too quickly! absolute + complete + total was what I was thinking. how did that come out "abject." whew. sorry. must proofread notes before sending!

I have locked up my poetry for the moment under a privacy filter...until I figure out a way to truly protect my ideas. But would be happy to e-mail it along. That one was called "More Questions"

Re: Yes, you did, and I have been trying to find it again

I erased your e-mail by accident. I am glad you got the poems. And, it's nice meeting you!

Whoa, your posts just keep getting longer and longer

Re #1. I'm a Tam O'Shanter Rice-o-roni Will-o-the-wispian.

About the love map concept. While I like to think that I'm attracted to someone's inner being, Physical characteristics such as a handsome face or a resonant voice do seem to be what I go for. Plus a feeling that someone could act as a bodyguard...

As to your Randiness. Galt was colorless, he was probably a lapsed Episcopalian.

Hmmm, well, Rand's book does place him as coming from Ohio.

Re: Whoa, your posts just keep getting longer and longer

You know, it just now occurred to me that there is something vaguely double entendre-ish about that subject line of yours!

Re: Whoa, your posts just keep getting longer and longer

Hey, I noticed that too.
What's up with that?

I'm a long-time [silent] reader of 'emmabovary's LJ. Just checked in and -- It is deleted! *sigh*

First, I'm worried by this.

Second, I'm very disappointed because her LJ was a bright, shining star in the not-so-thrilling vastness of blog-land.

A bit ago, she did talk of backing up her entries and deleting eventually. But it didn't seem to sound as if it would be so soon.

Whether or not, you can shed any light on this -- Please do convey to her, my concern. Thank you.

Concerns conveyed, and seconded.

Concerns conveyed, and seconded.

Thank you.

I'm going to hope that all is OK. And that her decision will be reversed, some time soon.

First off, Mademoiselle Bovary is very much okay. She is not one of these "emo" people who delete their journals in a fit of angst and black depression. I think anyoe who has read her could safely come to that conclusion. Personal correspondence between she and I have done nothing to dispel that impression on my part. Second, since you posted your comment here, where it could be read by others, including the person of whom we are speaking, I didn't think you'd mind if she in fact read it, so I forwarded it to her. She now knows of the opinion of her blog that you expressed to me, so if she wants to get hold of you and say anything to you, she can. I don't want to presume to speak for her. I said basically the same kinds of things that you did to her and told her how much I enjoyed reading what she had to say, and how much I looked forward to seeing her entries. She did tell me that she is giving some thought to how she interacts with the world through the impersonal medium that the online world represents. She did say that after she'd considered some things, she may bring back her page in some form or another. Beyond that, as I said, I wouldn't presume to speak for her.

First, I'm sorry if you took my inquiry, to mean I thought she was .... emo. I did not. But 'life happens' and many things could have caused a deletion.

Second, yes I did post my inquiry here. To be truthful, your LJ name was the only one I could remember seeing commenting, on her LJ. It seemed like the logical thing to do.

Of course I'm happy that she was appraised of my enjoyment of reading her LJ. And my small worry, at its deletion.

I didn't mean to rub you the wrong way, with popping in here. But since your tone is stand-off-ish, I certainly did. Will leave now...

To paraphrase Jessica Rabbit...I'm not bad; I'm just drawn that way...

You didn't rub me the wrong way. I just wanted to head off the idea that the lady was one of those people who deletes their journal as a foolish dramatic gesture or because she is having a fit of angst or self-pity. That seems to be an epidemic in LJ.

Of course, I should have known you'd know better...

For one thing, you said you've been reading Mademoiselle Bovary for some time. For another, I think the person behind your username is not one who would be the type to jump to such a conclusion in the first place. ; )

Re: Of course, I should have known you'd know better...

I think the person behind your username is not one who would be the type to jump to such a conclusion in the first place. ; )

May I please ask, in private e-mail, "who" this person is? ,-)

Re: Of course, I should have known you'd know better...

Go right ahead. I'm montecristo@livejournal.com and since you have a free account I won't know where to send a reply until you do. ; )

speaking of love...


(approach this with an open mind.) ♥

Always with the Oriental philosophies the dissolution of self.

Ah, mysticism. Interesting, but that's not me. The guy had some interesting things to say and some interesting observations to make, but I don't approach the world from that direction. Love is not about the dissolution of self, it is the exaltation of self. Love is an effect, not a cause. It is not unconsciousness but consciousness.

If something is a virtue, doesn't that pretty much stand to reason that it is universally valued?

Well, people might *say* they value certain things. But that doesn't explain why so many girls end up dating jerks, and so many guys end up with "psycho bitch". Heh.

As for me, I like someone I can talk to. Someone who "gets it", so to speak. And the right kind of sense of humor is definitely a must. I'm convinced that my humor doesn't come across the internet. There must be a barrier of some kind. Whenever I meet someone I've only known online they are always surprised by how much I laugh and joke around!

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