I'm having insomnia again. I know why. Stress is annoying, but I think I'm dealing okay with it, all other things considered. It is making me feel tired all the time and "tight" in the muscles though, and I actually believe that it has caused my vison to change subtlely, because it seems a bit harder to bring things into focus since last month, but I just had my eyes checked and these glasses are only a little over two months old. At least I am not getting tension headaches though, knock wood. Perhaps things will improve when I start my morning regime at the health club after the first session on November third.
I spoke with a cousin of mine in Ohio last night/this morning on YIM. She's up late because she's home from work with a back injury and usually works third shift anyway. I was up until 2AM doing laundry and chatting. She and I have been friends since she was born. She's quite a bit younger than me and is planning to get married soon, but I think she's conflicted about what she wants. She thinks my ex will come back to me. I couldn't make her understand why half of me is very much in dread of that "opportunity." Being alone has clarified things a bit for me, but it has also added to their gravity. What a can of worms this mess has opened up for me. My cousin is very conservative. Her parents divorced when she was a child, and her father died of cancer soon after (don't smoke kids, it's not a pretty way to die, believe me) which is one of the factors that I think prompts her to try and "save" me. I'm not sure what to think about that. Being single is a daunting prospect, but I'm less and less certain as time goes on, that what I had was such a workable thing, after all. Heh. Perhaps it won't even be an issue. Maybe Crystal will mean what she says this time and it will be permanent. It feels that way. She says that paperwork is on the way but it seems to be taking such a horrible long time. How can you both dread and anticipate something like that? I feel hopeful, but then I feel guilty about being hopeful. What a mess.
I got myself invited to Robert's house tonight, for dinner and work. His wife is making ravioli. Heh. The infamous Robert and Robert duo are finally going to get somewhere on this mad project of ours. Gah. It's horribly speculative, but I want it to work so damned badly. On the other hand, I have so much on the brain lately, it's pushing me into procrastination mode on the design and coding of the software. It's like pulling eye teeth to sit down get started, but this project is not complicated at all, software-wise. There's too much junk cluttering my brain lately. I want to bury myself in the code and make this damned thing work, but I have trouble getting started and getting a good work-flow going. Perhaps tonight's attack on the problem will put the ball into better motion. Robert and I work really well together. We each understand how the other thinks and our thought processes are complimentary. I hope his wife and daughter will be out of the way and let us tackle these design issues on which we are working, instead of trying to be sociable. His daughter is four, so maybe she will keep her mother occupied and we can bury our noses in processor details and functional specifications. We've got to get this thing rolling. We are hoping to have the first prototype well before the end of the year.
We tried to get some work done this afternoon, but this guy we met, and who also joins us frequently, joined us today too. Tom claims to be a whiz at scrounging up venture capital for neat new ideas. He wants to work with us. He wants a piece of the action, I can tell. He drops lots of names and claims that he's leaving subtle hints in certain ears, so that they will be ripe to listen when we need him to pitch this thing, but I really don't have the skillset to evaluate what he says. I have no idea how he can fit in, either. If he can put us into contact with people who can invest, it will be a great help when it is time to capitalize on this thing, but if not, he could be a liability. We certainly could use the help. Neither of us knows much about starting and running a company. I am glad this is Robert's company and he gets to make the decision about whether or not to let this guy in. He's really leaning on Robert to let him help, but the thing he does not appear to understand is that we do not have a prototype yet, and we are not sure, even when we get a prototype, whether it will work on the first go or whether we will have to experiment and tweak to get this thing going. As I said, it's speculative. It may not work at all, if certain of Robert's theories and understandings are wrong. Right now, we have nothing to show, and without that, nobody is going to be interested. We should have circuit boards and software (as soon as I can beat myself into focus) within the next two months or so. Despite Robert's optimism, I am convinced that we are going to have to go back to the drawing boards for modifications and tweaks before anything will work -- if it ever works. I hope we can pull this off. It would change so much in my life to make this work. Sometimes I think the prospect is too big to contemplate.