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Montecristo Captain Quixote


The World Line of the Horizon Star

Some would say I was a lost man in a lost world

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Montecristo Captain Quixote

Yeah we all need faster women, slower horses, younger whiskey, less money...???

Hello, and welcome to the cultureless club! I really don't know what to make of this. I think I have just experienced a drive-by dating prelude! Ack!

Please allow me to explain. I was sitting here this evening, minding my own business, when I got a message on Yahoo IM from a lady about a year younger than I, to whom I had briefly said "Hi" once, months before, after she had said hi to me. She said that she had noticed that my profile had changed, and that I no longer had "married" on it but "separated," and that is why she was talking to me, as she "respected the married". What?

Well, we proceeded to exchange messages in a conversation that lasted exactly thirty-five minutes and forty-five seconds. In that short amount of time, in about as many exchanges, I was asked the following questions, in roughly the order given below:

  1. How long have I been married.
  2. How long have I been single.
  3. What am I doing up so late. (it was about 12:21 in the morning at the time)
  4. What do I do for a living.
  5. Do I have any kids.
  6. Do I have any other pictures.
  7. Am I still living in the Central Valley.
  8. What kind of car do I drive.
  9. What's happened since I've become single.
  10. How tall am I.
  11. What first name I go by.
  12. Would I like to talk again soon.
Whew! She didn't get around to telling me her name until about the sixth message exchange! Mind you, there was a tiny bit of small talk in there, mostly in response to questions that I asked. I'd not like to belittle this woman, who seemed nice and friendly enough, but the whole exchange just felt kind of weird. Okay. Call me an effeminate, old fashioned, chauvinistic, introvert, but doesn't anybody else single these days think that was a little fast? Is this speed dating? Gah, it's worse than speed-chess. No sooner had I gotten one or two lines out in answer to one question, opening up the topic for discussion, (in my book) than she would move on to the next one. Whoa.

For any ladies reading this -- do guys grill you like that? I can see why you ladies lurk or use invisibility mode or something. I just don't know what to make of that. Am I reading this situation correctly? Was I being scoped, cased, what have you? Geeze, it just felt so damned strange. Sometimes I wonder if I am cut out for the singles scene. Heck, in the last couple of weeks I thought I have been pretty forward and "proactive," myself. I mean, I've introduced myself point blank to women I don't know, read their journals, made comments, made friends, but this just seemed a bit, blunt, to me. Is this what the meet-markets are like these days? I tried to make a little small talk, and the lady did indulge me, for one or two lines of text or so, but it was like she was on a script or something. I don't know, but if she was interested in dating (there's that damnable "D" word again) I'd like a bit more romance, please! If she wasn't interested in "the D-word thing" then couldn't she have afforded to wait a couple more chat sessions to fill out the old info card?

Help, friends. Advice? Observations? Comments? Am I weird? Is she weird? Is her biological clock counting down in milliseconds? Is civilization crumbling around me that fast? Is this or is this not analogous to a guy introducing himself to a woman by asking her what flavor of condom she prefers to lick? Gah, I'm too tired to think about this weirdness right now.

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She can afford to be that forward and abrupt because it's over a computer. Granted, some women are that forward in person, but VERY FEW...well, that would ask that many questions rapid-fire like that.

My advice? Don't use the Internet to meet women. It's kind of like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're gonna get.

The thing is Mary, I'm not using the internet to "meet women." Actually, I just started LJ'ing because the ex seemed to think so much of it, I have been hard-copy journalling sporadically since the eigth grade and I like it, and I really just wanted someone more like myself with whom to talk. I was surprised and innordinately pleased to discover the people I found on my friends list. I managed to get myself into some really interesting conversations here on LJ, such as the one I'm holding now. I really wasn't "shopping."

Obviously, the lady on the other end of those messages early this morning was shopping though, and I just found that creepy. How do people operate like that? It makes me wonder what the heck she wanted from that information. Was she compiling a database -- taking a demographic survey of the area singles? Even if I answered every one of her questions truthfully, and I did, how would she know that, and how would a one or two line answer really tell her anything at all useful about the person with whom she was speaking? The questions were answered, but I don't see how she found out anything useful at all -- I certainly didn't find out much about her. People never cease to amaze me. That was one of the weirder conversations I've ever had. You know, I could understand that kind of exchange going on in a chatroom -- I've played that before, even though it's a bit too disjointed for me, but for a one on one conversation that was just too strange. It's not the chocolate that weirds me out-- it's the nuts you find under the chocolate that can be disconcerting!

No, you misunderstood me. I don't think you are deliberately using the Internet to meet women but I do think that they will find you. I can't tell you the number of times odd men have messaged me and have gotten extremely personal. Many other people use it as a tool to meet people.

In other words, your intentions are honorable but others' are not. And I would just hate to see you fall into that trap of getting attached to women who are out trolling for a man. LJ friends are different, in my eyes, because we get to know each other and it's not like we're all scamming on each other. I've done the chat thing, as well, and fell into that trap. I have met some people (romantically) from the Internet and in almost NO CASE was that person who he portrayed himself to be. It's sad and I guess my bitterness shines through so for that, I am sorry to have carried it over into your journal.

Ha, no fear of that. I have too much train wreck to finish cleaning up to be "on the market" this early in the game. Of course that assumes that I'd become attached to someone who speed trolls like that in the first place. Oh yah, bring it on! I don't think so.

My point in posting was incredulity that people would find that approach useful at all. Ambush chatting just doesn't seem to be a very good tool for meeting (really meeting) someone.

I like the chocolate covered nuts...

it's the fruit filled ones you never know about. ;)

speed trolls

I shudder at the thought, but they are everywhere. morganaus is right, beware. Of course I live not to far from you... LOL! I couldn't resist. It is very easy being forward online, but if you are cautious already it's very disconcerting to be ambushed by seemingly oversexed or desperately seeking someone individuals.

Re: I like the chocolate covered nuts...

it's the fruit filled ones you never know about.

Now cut that out! You're scarin' me! You know, I really don't mind if other guys want to get into other guys' anatomy. Hey, the way I see it, if guys want to pair up and be gay it just takes two of them out of the competition for the available women. They can be my guest and the more the merrier! Nevertheless, I really don't understand the perverse whack-jobs that have to pretend to be women and troll for straight guys. [shudder] Fortunately, they seem to be rather rare.

Re: I like the chocolate covered nuts...

What?!?!?!? You think I'm a man or thought I was referring to men going for men? Ick! Blach! I am laughing though. I must admit. However, you are right, that was probably the next then she would have asked, 'are you into transgender people?' Oh damn I must quit now before I really start getting mischievious.

Re: I like the chocolate covered nuts...

Oh no, no, no! I didn't mean to imply that you were that! Terribly sorry! You mentioned fruit covered chocolates, and I naturally assumed that you implied gay or "transgendered" people posing as the opposite sex. I just hadn't considered that angle at the time, and I was rather dismayed by the possibility, even if not in the case to which I was referring! It's not that I'm a homophobe or anything, but I'm not a big fan of casual or otherwise unfounded intimacy, esp. physical. It's often somewhat tricky dealing with women, some of whose attentions I would welcome, under the right circumstances. It's another thing entirely to think about fending off the attentions of other guys -- esp. when you consider that the male approach, even after feminism, is rather more up front and initiatory. Fortunately, I must look pretty straight to "gay radar" because none of the gay guys I know have ever hit on me. I don't know, maybe it wouldn't be as awkward as I am making it out to just tell another guy, hey, I don't swing that way, but I don't know from experience.

Re: I like the chocolate covered nuts...

Ah, I just wanted to make sure. LOL! I was being facetious and real at the same time. I never thought the gay angle at all. Heh! As for taste, at least with chocolate covered nuts you DO know what you are getting versus some nasty fruit-filled chocolate. ICK!

Since you don't know the best comeback from being hit on by men (for you) let me enlighten you:

"I'd be the luckiest man alive if I swung that way" - Jack Nicholson (As Good As It Gets)

I've in fact used that line on approaching women. I've been tipsy, but it made for a good chuckle during and much much later. It's not too awkward unless they are very aggressive. EW! In that case RUN-Forrest-RUN!

Re: I like the chocolate covered nuts...

Well, if we are talking literal candy, I am on the same page with you, I don't really like the fruit-filled chocolates, for the most part, asside from a certain few.

Re: I like the chocolate covered nuts...

If you think in that sense then it should apply in real life correct? ;)

What do you want me to be to make you sleep with me?

Sounds like you might've met up with one of the Predator Women, the kind that you say 'Hi!' to at a party, and suddenly you're backed into a corner with questions and innuendo coming hot and heavy. Scary women. Scoping out potential stalketts.

You've had to have met some of them already... even I've run into a couple here in the Rural Wastelands. Be careful... you'd be amazed at how much info a dedicated stalker can dig up from just a little lead.

Re: What do you want me to be to make you sleep with me?

Ick! What empty people, who would contort themselves into alien shapes and misrepresent themselves just to get laid. I don't think this lady was quite doing that. She seemed to have a very bold and forceful personality that would be difficult to conceal or misrepresent. Actually, as you have noticed, I tend to be rather controlled and deliberate about what I say about myself, so I don't run into people like that. Shockingly enough, that was the first of your "Predator Women" (even the term sounds disturbing) that I have ever encountered, if that is indeed what she was.

Re: What do you want me to be to make you sleep with me?

Sorry, but I don't think I explained that very well. Sex is just the first step. To get a hold over you. The desired end result usually is marriage, I believe. It's hard to explain, but I think you understand - the women who try so hard and are so obviously 'on the prowl' that they end up sacring everyone away...

Re: What do you want me to be to make you sleep with me?

You know, it's things like that that make me start to appreciate, just a little bit, what some feminist (I think it was Steinem) said: "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle." Perhaps if some women took just a little time to assess their own self-worth honestly, they wouldn't be so empty and desperate for someone else to "fill them up." (Please pardon that semi-intentional double entendre; I couldn't resist.) They might certainly come to understand what it is for which a man is really good.

I can can't on zero fingers how many men I've asked what kind of car they drive.

I really couldn't give less of a fuck, as long as they show up on time.

I have no opinion on the rapid fire 20 questions session, though. I just blame it on the internet.

You wouldn't think that I'm a high-roller from asking about my car. I drive a two year old Mercury Lancer with 65,000 miles on it. It gets wonderful gas mileage, and it's very dependable, but it is certainly not an executive-toy/chick magnet.

You've actually had the opportunity to wait on some idiot to show up? Hmm, if anything I'd think you'd have a bigger problem with guys showing up early and refusing to leave!

Uh, yes, I've had to wait and wait, and wait before.

I suppose its semi shallow of me to even care if a person has a car... but if they don't its a pain in the ass. The type of car is always unimportant to me. I suppose I could be better off if I only dated guys with money, but I'm a big fat weirdo and tend to date guys because I dig them and I'm entirely unconcerned about whether or not we'll look flashy in his car.


Bah, I say.

Damn. I just listed my truck for sale (again, at a lower price). Guess I'm blowing my chances with ya, huh? ;)

I'm sure it's different out there on the Left Coast, but in Hoboken, NJ, having a car is actually something of a liability. Too much hassle with parking, and no need for one since everything is a short walk away.

However, Hoboken needs more people like you, Topaz. Too many people here are very concerned about what kind of car a guy drives. An S-10 pickup just isn't much of a chick magnet here. Everyone that isn't broke from paying exhorbitant rent tends to put up with the parking hassles in order to look cool in their BMW's and Mercedes.

I find it somewhat revolting, personally.

Of course you are, "entirely unconcerned about whether or not we'll look flashy in his car." You'd look flashy no matter what, anyway. Let that poor bastard worry about what he looks like in his own car, whatever the case, it'll make a better picture with you in it than not. Heh heh.

Actually, I am a critical kind of person. I analyze quite a bit, and sometimes I step on toes, egos, and feelings when I shoot off my opinion without considering the consequences thoroughly enough in advance. To compensate, I always attempt to find positive things about people and then be sure to point them out. I'd hate to be a critical, persnickety asshole, or be thought one, as I am occasionally. The thing is, you make it easy to find positives and to mention them. Flattery has nothing to do with it. I think it was Will Rogers who said, "It ain't boasting, if you can do it." Analogously, it ain't flattery if it's the truth, and I find it very satisfying to tell you the truth as I see it. The idea that it may please you to hear it, is merely icing on the cake.

OMG Madame, you are an incorrigible scream!

God, but you think fast on your feet! Those idiots may be grilling you, but it appears to be them that are getting burned! Ow, my ribs!

Re: OMG Madame, you are an incorrigible scream!

I'm actually quite disappointed the ICQverts never write me anymore. I found them very entertaining.

Re: OMG Madame, you are an incorrigible scream!

Forgive my jumping in, but I simply had to check out the transcripts. Brilliant! Top-notch work. I'm sure my coworkers are under the impression that I've lost my mind, I'm laughing so hard.

Re: OMG Madame, you are an incorrigible scream!

My purpose in life is to bring pleasure to women.

Oop. Sorry. I was channeling the spirit of Fabio there, for a minute.

Glad to oblige!

Re: OMG Madame, you are an incorrigible scream!

I shall look to your technique for inspiration the next time I am randomly harrassed on AIM. This happens fairly often, since my username is decidedly gender-neutral and I give no identifying information to the general public. Funny how quickly the sickos vanish when they discover I'm actually male. Delaying that revelation for added effect may be amusing!

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